Normal service resumes as Mr Mystery comes to rescue

busty idolI’m pleased to confirm that I’ve finally got my sticky mitts on a ticket for that big bash next week (yep, I’m still banned from naming it). Well, they aren’t sticky yet, but you can bet your bottom dollar they will be by the end of that evening.
Not that I actually know who bought my ticket, you understand, it just arrived in the post from a mystery benefactor, complete with a huge bouquet of flowers and a £500 voucher for Agent Provacateur, begging me to dress up posh. Let me tell you, Mr Mystery, £500 gets you standard, £2,000 gets you posh.
Anyway, now that we’ve got that out of the way, normal service is able to resume…yep folks it’s back to the Pornhub Insights Blog.
Oh and they’ve certainly pulled out all the stops to be “relevant” this week, with an indepth analysis of views for a certain Meghan Markle, fiancée to the Ginger Prince.
My spies tell me that apparently there is one video of her having a steamy knee-trembler in a stationery cupboard on the set of Suits, which 261,101 people have enjoyed. Or a single person has enjoyed it 261,101 times…Dirty Harry anyone?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, on the day their engagement was announced, November 27, there was a huge spurt of searches for the soon-to-be princess.
This increase came not only from her future subjects in Britain, though, but from Royal Family porn addicts around the world. The biggest eruption came from the US (up 2,273%), followed by the UK (up 2,242%), Spain (up 2,193%), Germany (up 2,167%) and Belgium (up 2,011%).
And, guess who wanted to cop an eyeful more than anyone? Why, men in their 50s, of course, and no doubt most of them will be at the awards that dare not mention their name.
Talking of which, I wonder who will be providing the “entertainment” next week? Will they have one of the sisterhood hosting for a change? After all, they have made a big play about appointing WACL president Kerry Glazer as chair of judges and the 50:50 gender split among the judging panel.
Mind you, they did get their fingers badly burned a few years ago when Jo Brand wiped the floor with the one and only Steve Harrison – and thank god there is only one – when he dared to tell her she wasn’t funny.
Of course, last year it was James Nesbitt (a night that MRM Meteorite’s Nicky Bullard won’t forget in a hurry). Before that, we had Jason “chubby chaser” Manford, Jimmy “tax dodger” Carr and some bloke who thought he was Richard Stilgoe.
But the poor sods who’ve shelled out £400 will be expecting big things, and hopefully not just my 38DDs either. Let’s just hope it’s not that bloody choir again or I, for one, will be demanding my secret admirer’s money back…

You can also follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol

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