Is it just me or does everyone else seem to be having hours of fun at work while I toil away far too hard, and for far too long? I recognise that this job comes with a huge responsibility to keep you lot in the loop but, apart from my encounter with Marauding Mike down in the West Country last week, I seem to be spending nearly every waking hour bashing away at this keyboard.
Now, I wouldn’t mind, but according to a recent survey, it seems most people are hard at it in a different way. That’s right, nearly everyone else is having sex at work.
And it is not only that couple in the Tesco back office, either. According to research from SaucyDates.com – those highly reliable pollsters – 9 out of 10 people have had a romp in the workplace, with everywhere from a private office and the store-room, to the lift and the loos proving popular hot-spots.
Encounters were most likely to happen when people were working late and the office was empty but some reported having enjoyed secret sessions during the hustle and bustle of the working day. Chance would be a fine thing.
Some bloke from Saucy Dates said: “A common theme is people enjoy the thrill of having sex while they’re meant to be working. The thing most respondents agreed on was that having sex in the office had the added excitement of getting caught.”
And even the athletes at the Winter Olympics are hard at it too. Tinder has seen its traffic bulge by nearly 350% in PyeongChang as randy athletes swipe away to fill time between slots, as it were. Apparently the male bobsledders and female snowboarders are the most popular on the dating app.
Luckily, Games organisers had anticipated the surge, and handed out a record 110,000 free condoms to horny athletes, meaning each individual received nearly 40 condoms.
Now, call me old fashioned, but pleasuring myself with the joys of GDPR doesn’t quite cut it.
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