Does anyone really give a frigging toss about Audi?

foxy 414Another week, another agency pulls out of the Audi pitch after VCCP decided to withdraw from the process following a test-drive in Northamptonshire.
Cue a mass round of back-slapping over at the ad industry’s very own wank-mag Campaign. You see, the good folk of Twickenham have been apoplectic for weeks that Audi has had the temerity to call a pitch when BBH – one of its all-time darlings – has done such a marvellous job over the past 37 years, transforming the car marque into the hallowed brand it is today.
Even Busty’s old squeeze Jezza Lee has been on his high horse. Get a load of this: “BBH has consistently produced advertising for Audi that not just beats its category but beats every category, ever since in one of his many flashes of genius co-founder Sir John Hegarty coined the slogan ‘Vorsprung durch technik’…It’s impossible to imagine any other agency producing work of the enduring quality that BBH has, so it’s almost unimaginable that the account would move.”
Well, at the risk of being picky darling, for the record, Hegarty didn’t coin the phrase at all – he stole it from a faded poster that was still hanging on the wall in an Audi factory in Ingolstadt. It was an old advertising strapline that they hadn’t used for years. So, not so much a genius, more a chancer.
Anyway, for some inexplicable reason, VCCP have not revealed why they have pulled out…maybe they pranged an A4 and didn’t want to fess up. Maybe they thought they didn’t have a hope in hell. Or maybe, just maybe they realised all Audi drivers are complete wankers (if you don’t believe me, check out the numerous YouTube videos which prove it).
Talking of wankers, did you know that May is Masturbation Month? Of course, our friends at PornHub have made a big splash about it, hailing the 31 days of self-love. And, of course, the Pornhub Insights Blog  is always there to lend an extra hand.
Apparently, “solo male masturbation” is 305% more popular with women, while “jerk off instruction” is 51% more popular with men. And men are more likely than women to search for videos of “girls watching guys jerk off”.
All of which brings me neatly to creative digital producer Paul Bruton. Why? I hear you ask…is he a complete tosser, too? Not that we are aware of, although what he gets up to in his spare time is his own business.
No dear Foxy fans, Paul just so happened to be sitting on the Wandsworth to Clapham service last Friday morning when grunts and groans from what sounded like a porn film spurted out of the train’s Tannoy system. Not one to let this particular creative digital production go unseen, our man pressed record on his mobile.
Those of you who are easily upset – why the hell are you reading this then? – might not want to click on Mr Bruton’s Twitter feed to see the footage. But, suffice to say, the train driver is no doubt a massive Audi fan…

Print Friendly