Hands-on approach puts Foxy in the frame for pay rise

foxy 414What a scorcher! That’s right Foxy fans it’s been a mad week in the raging heat. We’ve been advised not to travel by train because the tracks are all warped. We’ve been warned not to travel by car because the roads are all melting. We’ve been told not to travel by plane because the skies are full of thunderstorms.
In fact, what they really want us to do, apparently, is to stay indoors with the windows and curtains shut and not venture outside at all, just in case we all frazzle to death.
However, the most important advice, according to reports in The Sun and The Mirror, is that no matter how hot it gets, no matter how desperate you are for relief from the heat, us girls should DEFINITELY NOT stick ice creams up our vajayjays to cool down…
The Mirror even interviewed consultant gynaecologist Dr Shree Datta, who said: “My advice would be to avoid any foreign bodies in the vagina for risk of infection. I would suggest loose cotton underwear and avoiding tight clothing to prevent any irritation and dermatitis develiping (sic). A cool shower (without internal douching), and keeping well hydrated should suffice.”
No shit Sherlock.
So, you may be wondering what all this has got to do with the wonderful world of marketing. Well, other than the fact that sales of the most obvious “noo-noo” suitable brands – Zoom, Calipo, Twister… and Nobbly Bobbly at a pinch – could be under threat, I reckon it could well offer a way in to a new brief I am eyeing up for McContent & Design (remember them?).
You see, the Vagina Museum – what do you mean you’ve never heard of it? – is looking for a marketing chief to increase awareness of the museum and develop a brand strategy to ensure that its work reaches as many people as possible.​ And, as everyone knows, where there’s a new marketing chief, there’s a big opportunity for a new agency.
According to the blurb, the Vagina Museum is a project to create the world’s first bricks and mortar museum about the gynaecological anatomy. It doesn’t actually exist yet but hey, that’s all part of the plan.
It was first mooted when founder, comedian and trainer Florence Schechter got a bit hot under the collar that there was a penis museum in Iceland, but there was no equivalent for the vagina or vulva.
Not that I am even remotely interested in visiting the Icelandic Phallological Museum – I have already met enough pricks to last a lifetime – but according to its website, it “is probably the only museum in the world to contain a collection of phallic specimens belonging to all the various types of mammal found in a single country”. Apparently it boasts more than “two hundred and fifteen penises and penile parts”. How quaint.
You may be wondering how the Vagina Museum will be able to compete. Well, apparently it “will take a holistic view of vaginas, from science to history to their place in culture. It will be a diverse place where there will be lots of different ways of engaging and getting involved”.
And it’s going to be “gender neutral”, which means that Fatty and Fatter (that’s McKelvey and McCawley to you lot) will be able to take a hands-on approach to the Vagina Museum, too. If that doesn’t get me a pay rise, nowt will.

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