Huge boys beating off the PRATs

Kanye West, Patrick Stewart, Courtney Love, Rob Lowe, Bono, Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey and Busty? Come on, you must admit that would be a line-up to die for anywhere…
Throw in a few bottles of pink bubbly, the sandy beach and a couple of fit, young creative directors from South American agency Huge and you can understand why I haven’t regretted leaving behind the boys in Brazil to live it up on the Promenade de la Croisette.
Mind you, having successfully swerved the WAGs in Rio, I now find myself surrounded by hoards of “Pasty Randy Admen from the Terrace” or PRATs for short. Even “PR to the stars” Jane Austin – a woman renowned for her unshakeable tolerance – posted on Facebook that “only 24 hours in and my ‘Go fuck yourself list’ is substantial.”
Good job I’ve got her definitive guide to the best places to eat, greet and meet clients, and am sticking limpet-like to my strategy of avoiding them like the plague.
Not that I’ve exactly been flaunting it all on the beach, so far. To be fair, I do quite suit the wet T-shirt look – it sets off the 38DDs nicely – but would you believe it’s actually been pissing down a little too much this week.
Yesterday was the first really decent day, and boy didn’t we know it. The PRATs gathered at their usual watering hole and then went en masse to the golden sands, though thankfully no sign of that so-called half-thong mankini hybrid (click here if you don’t believe it exists >).
Meanwhile, everyone’s favourite “little big man”, Sir Martin Sorrell has been gloating over the collapse of the Publicis Omnicom merger, telling anyone who would listen – ie Campaign – that it was all about the ego. Well, to be fair, he should know. He then went on to warn: “The moral of the story is: don’t climb the backstairs of the Carlton in Cannes.” It’s OK Marty, I don’t think anyone wants to go into your back-passage.
Over at the OgilvyOne encampment, the Domaines Ott Château Romassan Rosé – or D’Ott to those in the know – has been flowing freely following the success of the “magic of flying” campaign for BA. Shame it’s all a little too late to impress the client, who’s already jumped into bed with the lovely Warren and Simon. Lucky cow.
Incidently, I did hear a rumour that Ogilvy boss Annette King was so incensed about losing the account that she has refused to allow any of the staff who worked on the business to move across under the TUPE laws, instead, promising to find the 50-plus team jobs within the agency.
Anyway, back to me, and the guys at Huge – huge by name, huge by nature – have been keeping me more than a little entertained all week. I’m sure you’ll believe me when I tell you everything they have is huge. Even their yacht makes Johnny Hornby’s look like a micropenis, rather than the huge cock it undoubtedly is.
A night of Huge certainly helped me get over England’s World Cup performance; these guys never miss the target. Mmmm it’s not easy being me you know…

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