Why Foxy is already lashed, bashed and splattered…

foxy 414Battered. Bust up. Lacerated. Scarred. Stricken. Bruised. Crushed. Warped. Forget Storm Eustace, I am still recovering from the Decision Marketing Valentine’s Day Massacre, which I’m sure you will believe me carries a Red Warning with Danger to Life.

You see, for some reason my esteemed bosses decided to avoid the lovey dovey romantic evenings with their wives to have a Decision Marketing Big Night Out with us girls. Oh how we laughed when McKelvey got his wallet out but, fair do’s, he did splash the cash, even though he will no doubt put that down to “subsistence” on his tax bill.

He even managed to stretch to a post-pub curry at The Indian Cottage Tandoori, where proprietor Abdul (yes, that really is his name) put on his amazingly marvellous banquet.

Mind you, when I woke up next morning, I didn’t feel too clever. I guess that last pint must have been off. The previous ten were OK though…

Still, it seems many traditionally use the run-up to Valentine’s to pursue other “interests”. According to Pornhub, there are hundreds of search variations around the day, with “Valentine’s day orgy” making a strong showing for us girls. However, hapless fellas are obviously so desperate for some tips on how to be nice to us girls that they tend to search more for terms like making love and seduce.

Quite why they bother is anyone’s guess as women are 167% more interested in “rough sex” and 105% more interested in “bondage”. Come on fellas jump to it.

Those of you seeking a more tranquil existence might be pleased to know that this Sunday is National Comfy Day. No, not an official one, but yet another commercial enterprise, this time designed to celebrate the love people have expressed for the, er, Comfy Blanket.

It says here that it is “the original ultra-cosy, oversized wearable blanket that has expanded to include a family of products, with 14 million sold in over 100 countries”.

As one of the founders and so-called “Comfy brother”, Brian Speciale, said: “Valentine’s Day isn’t the only event in February where cosying up and cuddling is enjoyed. We feel by taking a moment to relax and commemorate not only the success of The Comfy but also to see how customers have found delight in our invention is something worth sharing with the world. In celebration, we’re inviting fans to post their photos on social media with the hashtag #TheComfyLife so that we can all celebrate together! In addition, we’re giving away a year’s worth of Comfys!”

All of which makes me wonder, what is a year’s worth of Comfys? Are they so flimsy that they only last a few weeks? Somehow I don’t think they’d last five minutes on a Decision Marketing Big Night Out. No wonder they’ve sold 14 million of the bloody things…

You can now follow Foxy on Twitter and Instagram  (although don’t expect too much)