So, where were we last week? Oh yes, that pesky Farquhar had dumped me for not being classy enough…Well, obviously I couldn’t be having with that so I invited him over to mine for a Busty Bonus.
Not that it was ever in doubt but he was soon begging me to take him back, which just goes to show you should never underestimate the power of feminine wiles…
(At this point I think I should remind potential entrants to the DMA Awards that you too could be in line for a Busty Bonus if you enter enough categories, so don’t forget to click on the ad above!)
Anyway, a day after agreeing to take old Farquhar back, I dumped him (did he really think I was going to put up with him dumping me? Bloody cheek). Now I am in the market for an eligible DM batchelor, so I have drawn up a shortlist of five and was wondering if anyone out there could help little ol’ me find a new fella…
Richard ‘James Bond’ Webster: He’s got a touch of class, he’s loaded and now he lives in a massive house in a posh part of London, so what is not to like about the former DLG man? Oh yeh, now I remember it’s the ‘former DLG’ bit… he’s out of work, as far as I know, so maybe he’s not quite such a catch after all. Come on 007, get back in the industry and you might have a chance.
Robert ‘Hugh Heffner’ Mayes: He’s tall, he’s tanned, he’s a real man’s man. (Sounds like a terrace chant doesn’t it?) Anyway, ‘Bobby’ as he is known to his mates, may not be particularly loaded on account that he has just been made redundant from Rapp, but you cannot ignore his stamina. He managed to hold on to that PR job for 14 bloody years and a man with that sort of staying power certainly has his uses…
Colin ‘Magic Hands’ Lloyd: OK, so he’s not exactly single but, hey, he hasn’t had a Busty Idol Bonus yet. Everything he touches seems to turn to gold – apart from that little incident down Bristol way (my lips are sealed, for once) – so he could be worth a little effort. He’s so sauve, so tall, and, even better, he’s really old so I wouldn’t have to ‘perform’ too often either.
Warren ‘Blondie’ Moore: Now I’ve had my eye on the lovely Warren ever since my Uncle Ivan told me how he’d paid for his missus to open a posh boutique in Gerrards Cross… or was it Brent Cross? Anyway, I reckon I could replace the wife anytime – I’ve always fancied having a shop too – and hopefully he’s managed to hold on to some of those millions he made from that Clemmow Hornby Inge buyout. Those lovely blonde locks, that tanned body… and that’s just me.
Lloyd ‘Pretty Boy’ James: He’s charming, he’s funny, he’s got loads of money (I’m getting quite good at these now). Maybe I’m missing something, but why hasn’t Lloyd ever got married? My ‘gaydar’ tells me he actually craves the attention of a nubile woman like me. I’ve already tapped up his mates Bunting and Fairy Cake and they reckon he’s well up for a change…
So, there you have it. Do you think I’ve got a chance with any of this lot?
