Well, Happy New Year to all you lovely readers – I hope Santa brought you all needed to have some festive fun. I was certainly very grateful to receive some new ‘toys’, the old ones were rather worn out and it’s funny how a decent gadget can help the festive season go with a bang!
Not that I’ve had too much use for my latest gizmo yet as my old flame Tarquin Farquhar has been keeping me more than satisfied in that department. And when I say flame, I’d forgotten just how good he was to be honest; I haven’t had to have the heating on for weeks.
You old fellas might have slightly more money and worldly knowledge but by the time you’ve waited for that little blue pill to take effect I’ve normally had to sort myself out.
I’ve even managed to avoid the annual diet fest too. I mean, what’s the point of that “Fast Diet” – eat normally for five days then survive on less than 300 calories for two? One mouthful of protein is about 500 calories, so what’s a girl to do?
Luckily I caught that Norovirus and lost nearly a stone in just a week. Not too sure where I contracted it to be honest but apparently it’s all you men who are spreading it by not washing your hands… So, if you want my tip, ladies, fondle as many men as you can and you are bound to see the pounds fall off.
Mind you, I wasn’t the only one laid up over Christmas.
It is official – a night out with VCCP Me’s Chris Whitson always ends up with at least one person in Casualty. This year, it seems, was no exception after Simon Kershaw fell arse over tit, having had one too many ‘sherries’ and ended up with suspected broken ankle. Ah bless. A couple of years back, the lovely Tim Hipperson suffered a similar fate. That time it was a bruised back. So, next time Whitson asks you out for a drink, make sure your health insurance is up to date…
Talking of which, I’m hoping not to end up in A&E myself as I’ve been told to get my drinking boots on again as it’s our esteemed editor’s “birthday weekend”.
You may recall, last year I ended up getting battered in more ways than one – especially as I’d grassed him up about how I am the only one who actually does the work on this site (DM Subscriptions Team? That’s me…DM Technical Team? That’s me, too… DM Ad Production Team? Yep, you guessed it).
Hopefully I won’t make the same mistake this year, and let’s just pray “Whitto” is busy, too.
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