What’s accessible yet assertive, zesty and bold, and big with ample body and a great finish? No, no, no, not the latest gizmo on test for online marketplace Ricky.com (although it is big and bold) or even my new fella Desperate Dan (although he does put in a great finish). Why, it’s Foxy Over A Barrel, of course, my new premium craft ale.
That’s right, fans, the long wait is finally over, the “conditioning” is complete and here at the Decision Marketing Nerve Centre we’ve spent most of the week ensuring that the first batch is suitable for human consumption.
It’s taken a while to make sure; beer tasting is thirsty work girls and I’m afraid the first 10 pints did not even touch the sides.
Anyway, there I was getting annihilated, blootered, drenched, ferschtinkenered, guzzled, hammered, mashed, monstered, obliterated, raddled, roistered, scuttered, slammed, smashed, soaked, twatted, wankered and wazzed when up popped an email from the International Beer Challenge 2020, the awards show which claims to be “The Ultimate Stamp of Quality”.
Now, either my esteemed bosses (yes, that’s Fatty and Fatter to you lot) have already been blabbing to all and sundry that there’s a new brew in town or Covid-19 has decimated IBC 2020’s entries and they are sending emails out to virtually everyone in the world. Either way, it seems they’re after me, or more precisely my £145 entry fee.
Mind you, the prize could be huge, and with entries from NO FEWER THAN 40 COUNTRIES and 81 CATEGORIES, this lot could teach even The Drum a thing or two about how to run an awards programme.
All I’ve got to do now is try to convince the esteemed judging panel of award-winning internationally renowned authorities on bottle-conditioned ales – in other words, the hairy-arsed folk with beards and ill-fitting T-shirts, some of whom are even blokes – that Foxy Over A Barrel is a world beater.
Good job, I too am accessible yet assertive, zesty and bold, and big with ample body and a great finish.