Oh what a bunch of jokers you lot are. Ever since last week’s confessional column I have been inundated with rude suggestions – I have even been sent an Easter Bunny- girl outfit complete with a massive Easter chocolate cock. Classy.
Ah well, at least it shows someone’s reading this stuff, even though it transpires that most of you are perverts.
Anyway, as usual the looming four-day break is playing havoc with the schedules, meaning I’ve got to perform a day early. Not that I mind, you understand, it’s always nice to have some time off from my party schedule.
In fact I need a few hours to recover from that BlackBerry party earlier this week.
One moment I was grinding away to Jessie J, the next a couple of blokes were fighting over me. One of them even ended up in hospital.
Now look, I know a Busty Bonus is worth having but is it really necessary to bottle someone in the neck for the chance to get one?
Not that I have sex on the mind all of the time (sometimes I even think about chocolate and shopping, too) but you have to hand it to Australian company Annex Products which has unveiled an iPhone case with a sliding compartment designed to store two condoms without revealing the tell-tale bulge.
The idea for the product, according to a promotional video, came after a young Australian man visited his girlfriend’s home for the first time, tossed his wallet onto a table and then had to flee after parents figured out just why there was a protuberance in his wallet. Bless.
It could prove very useful for all you industry gents who take trips abroad, of course. Talking of which, I see the dapper Chris ‘my cousin is Steve Stretton, you know’ Catchpole has left these climes to take up a top creative role at Lowes in Vietnam. It’s a shame really, he’s even better at the girly gossip than me.
I wonder whether he will be getting a few new purple velvet suits made while he’s out there? The tailors are certainly a lot cheaper. Mind you, I do recall him once telling me that he bought most of his current ‘whistles’ at knockdown prices at a shop near Savile Row.
Apparently his mentor – the one and only Steve Harrison (thank god there is only one, too) – dragged him along to check the place out. But all was not well, allegedly, when Steve realised he had forgotten a £20-off voucher he’d been sent. So he left the lovely Mr Catchpole holding the suits while he spent the next two hours in a taxi to the office and back to pick up his discount. The words “tight” and “gnat’s arse” spring to mind. Ho hum.
Anyway, that’s enough from me for another week. Got to get back to that chocolate cock…Happy Easter!
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