Did you know that you people who work in this industry are often held in the same regard as mass murderers, estate agents, and traffic wardens?
Here in the Idol household, however, we love every single one of you – even you dodgy ones. That love has grown even stronger since last week, as I’ve had so many offers of places at the DMA Summer Lunch that I am thinking of taking a coach-load of friends up to the Kensington Roof Gardens. Not that I have that many friends who’d want to go you understand; most of them hate you lot…
The strategy has worked so well I am now wondering what else I could blag my way into? Watch out Seb Coe, I need tickets for the 100m final. Anyway, I am now trying to persuade my esteemed editor and publisher to adopt the “flattery will get you everywhere” approach. After all, if they get some decent advertising revenue in, I might even get paid sometime.
In the meantime, I have decided to launch a direct, digital and data agency with my old mate Harry Hands, who, it just so happens, used to be an estate agent so has the perfect background. “Idol Hands” will open its doors next month, once Harry taps his contacts to get our offices sorted out.
The thing is, we’re not in The Abundance mould of being a “progressive behaviour change agency providing strategic planning that will involve psychologists and consumers”, nor will we be offering “immediate measurable results that build brand and business simultaneously” like Lord Townshend’s start-up Now.
Oh no, we reckon we’ve got a unique selling point – we’ve linked up with London Zoo and have got a panel of monkeys which will test all our campaigns. If they can write the collective works of Shakespeare, I’m sure they’ll be able to cope with a few mailshots.
And when you see the state of some of the people who run highly successful businesses in this industry, I reckon Idol Hands will soon be raking in the cash. We have already had some interest from clients disgruntled with their current agencies – and are even trying to gatecrash the Majestic Wine pitch…everyone needs a drinks account don’t they?
Of course, Harry and I will need a big name creative director – we can’t afford Gary “the hair” Sharpen or Shaun “Little Big Man” Moran – so if you know anyone who might be interested drop me a line; discretion guaranteed of course.
Anyway, must dash – new business client meeting awaits…
