Never let it be said that I don’t scour the world (OK I click on Google) to bring you the latest marketing insights and hot topics from the world’s brightest minds. It’s just that sometimes, just sometimes, I only really have time to check my email inbox before I am forced to bash out the 450 words this column – and my esteemed yet demanding boss – demands.
Luckily then, this week, I haven’t had to go far and I am pleased to say I can exclusively reveal the top secrets for you all to become the most successful marketers in the business.
Yep, dear Foxy fans, our boffin friends over at Naturecan – the firm which counts ex-England cricketer and Top Gear host Andrew “Freddie” Flintoff as a major investor – have devised a daily timetable to help even the most average person live life to the max.
So, strap yourself in, this could be a rough ride:
7am Wake-up. No lie-ins for you lot if you want to be go-getters, you only need between seven and nine hours of kip to begin the day. Those who are 18 and under need more time in bed (typically up to 10 hours for a young teen) but it is a myth that we need less sleep as we get older.
7.15am Go for a run. Sadly, research shows that doing cardio-exercise in a fasted state (before breakfast) leads to an increase in the amount of fat being burned. That is because blood sugar, insulin and glycogen levels are all lower than normal after an overnight fast.
7.30am Have sex. Alternatively have another 15 minutes in bed, skip the run and get it on as both sexes have more energy first thing in the morning apparently. Male testosterone levels peak in the morning, meaning they last longer in bed (we can only hope girls), while the rush of endorphins sparked by sex also lowers blood pressure and stress levels and makes for a more upbeat rest of the day.
7.45am Breakfast. Don’t stuff your face as soon as you wake up, it is best if you wait around 45 minutes. Those pesky boffins at Naturecan reckon that sticking to defined meal times is the best way to lose weight. Yawn.
10am Start work. Don’t even bother turning up before then as research shows we reach our mental peak around three hours after waking. Your concentration, memory, focus and creativity should be best at this time of the day. Use this period to do that work that needs your best thinking, rather than using it for other tasks, Naturecan says.
10.45am Relax. Now some might scoff but this is when our stress levels are at their highest, particularly early on in the week when to-do lists tend to be biggest for you marketers.
12.45pm Lunch. The boffins reckon you should wait a WHOLE FIVE HOURS after eating breakfast before you can have another meal. Whatever happened to “elevensies”?
3.30pm Snack O’Clock. Reach for the chocolate now if you must, although don’t overdo it as you could soon pile on the pounds, the survey claims. Bah.
6pm Wine O’Clock. Go on, have a drink or two as it is well known booze allows us all to unwind after a long day at work. But, a word of warning, the key is not to leave it too late because your body needs at least FOUR HOURS for your liver to recover from alcohol consumption before sleep.
6.15pm Dinner time. Seems a bit early to us, after all, we have only just started boozing at 6pm; still, if you want to be at the top of your game, you’ll have to make sacrifices.
10pm Bed time. Bizarrely the boffins don’t detail what you are supposed to do between 6:15pm and 10pm but they are very strict about what time you have to hit the sack. Apparently this allows us 20 minutes to get to sleep and then 90 minutes for the most restorative non-REM (rapid eye movement) sleep which is best achieved before midnight.
So, there you have it, the secret to a successful life, no pain, no gain and all that. Mind you, it does explain why I haven’t quite reached the top of my game – YET.
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