Well, thankfully I survived Easter, although I still haven’t heard how the Golden Boy went down in the Beast of Burnage’s household. Luckily for me, I did have a spare one, so I can confirm that my very own 8½ inches of solid milk chocolate brushed with elegant edible gold powder slipped down a treat.
Unfortunately, it also went straight on to my not inconsiderable derrière so, yet again, I find myself looking for another miracle diet. It is enough to bring a tear to my eye. Bah.
Now, some might say that is the price you pay for being a greedy cow but, honestly, I only have to look at chocolate these days and the pounds pile on.
I’ve done with the Dukan, the Flexitarian, Weight Watchers, Mayo Clinic and the 5/2. So now I am hopping aboard the MIND diet, which focuses on foods meant to help the grey matter. You not only shift the pounds, you get brainy too.
Sadly, you can only eat berries, olive oil, nuts, and dark, leafy greens, so I expect to be spending the next fortnight in the loo…still I suppose it will stop me going to the fridge all the time.
And luckily, the karzi is where I keep all the back issues of Precision Marketing – a quick flick through those and I will be brainier than my esteemed editor himself. [Mind you, just staring blankly into space would make me brainier than that old soak, who I am afraid to report is still living by the motto “fill your boots”].
Talking of filling your boots, I see our old friend Phil Keevill is already splashing out his High Court largesse – secured with the help of the hard-done-by ex-Kitcatt Nohrers’ no-win-no-fee victory over those nasty chaps at Publicis – by splashing out on a Victory Sheriff 22 22W EL34 Plexi Style Valve Head guitar amp, a snip at just £819.00.
While the Victory is only 22 watts – about the same as an Amstrad stereo – the instruction manual does contain a chilling warning: “If you are running through a large PA system, it may become amplified to audience death levels.”
Then again, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “knock ’em dead axeman”…
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