The big squeeze has finally hit the Idol household, and sadly I don’t mean sexy, manly hugs from a new man. Last week’s masterplan to put my life savings on a horse called Buxom, running at Aintree on Ladies’ Day, literally went tits up as it came home in 10th place.
Luckily, I had kept a few bob back for the Grand National – unluckily, my nag is still trying to finish, although it is all a bit hazy, to be honest, on account of the four bottles of pink fizz I had downed.
I suppose I should be grateful, really. A few years back there was a horse named after our esteemed editor, McKelvey. The first year it ran it finished a very close second, leading to a blaze of publicity at the following event – even BBC’s The One Show did a special feature on McKelvey. Sadly, it wasn’t to be though, and it fell at the 20th and ended up as glue on the back of postage stamps. Rather ironical don’t you think?
Anyway, all of which means I am once again searching for a get-rich-quick scheme. You’d think someone with my assets wouldn’t find it too hard to earn a crust, yet it seems not even the lure of a Busty Bonus works these days. Even my number one fan, Marauding Mike has come over all shy. (Not the only thing he’s come over though, allegedly…)
Mind you, I am not alone in being surplus to requirements, it seems.
According to a couple of New Zealand academics, the sex industry will soon face a major threat from an influx of robotic hookers (you can’t make this shit up, can you?). That’s right, their paper, entitled “Robots, Men and Sex Tourism”, paints a picture of a futuristic red-light district in Amsterdam, featuring the business grade sex club The Yub-Yum. It will be staffed exclusively by android, sex bomb, femme bots and funded by the local council to keep the sex trade industry, er, flowing.
Whatever next? Agencies and data firms staffed and managed by machines? To be fair, that might not necessarily be a bad thing. At least when they started spouting off about being ‘the best kept secret in town’ we can just turn them off…
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