Lawyers over me like a rash

You’ll have to forgive me this week, if this column is slightly dull. After last week, some of the people I named in the WANKERS agency were apparently rather upset, and the postbox at Idol House was bulging with “without prejudice” letters.
What’s up with these people, have they lost their sense of humour? Consequently, I’ve got the lawyers crawling over me like a rash so you might find it quite difficult to read. Which just goes to show, I was right the first time – many of them are complete wankers (oops there I go again).
Actually I don’t mind at all, the lawyer is pretty fit (could easily be a new star in the BBC One series Mistresses, I reckon) so it might take quite a long time to write this stuff.
Still, nice to see the old adage that “money goes to money” still rings true in these days of broken Britain, with the news that Lord Townshend’s start-up has picked up a cool 25 million quid from Waitrose after only a week in business. Funny that, four months after starting to write this insightful column, I’m still waiting to get paid (oi, enough – Ed). In fact, it seems a few people are quids in this week; Elvis, Indicia, and even TDA have all scooped new businesss – lucky bastards (what’s wrong with that?).
My editor is particularly pleased that Kitcatt Nohr Digitas has won a new account, too. Apparently he is planning to stake a claim on its buyout fee after discovering that he was the one who introduced Marc Nohr to backer Colin Lloyd at a Precision Marketing Awards do, back in the day. They eventually signed a nice agreement, culminating in the agency’s sale to Publicis, earlier this month. Everyone’s quids in apart from who know who.
Anyway old man McKelvey reckons he is entitled to some commission. But I reckon the story is well wide of the mark; as everyone knows, Charlie was normally too busy watching Chelsea play to attend his own awards, and even when he was there he was so pissed he could hardly speak (oi, enough again – Ed).
Finally, a word to the wise for all you trade body bosses scuttling around in taxis to have lunch in the posh West End eateries. Whenever Marketing Agencies Association chief Scott Knox has a business lunch, all he does is walk out of the front door of the MAA’s head office, turn right and into next door. Of course, it helps that The Grazing Goat is a very nice restaurant but hey, at least he’s saving the taxi fare. And it’s OK Scott, your story about you and Chris Whitson’s kilt is safe with me…

(Got anything you’re dying to get off your chest? Email me, discretion guaranteed!

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