Well, I don’t know about you lot, but I’m not having much luck getting my sticky mitts on Pornhub’s new Wankband. The only thing I can think of is that all the ad agencies have snapped them up and they are now working their fingers to the bone to power every laptop, mobile and tablet in Soho.
The thing is, old McKelvey is so tight these days that as soon as he found out about the gadget’s magic powers he started threatening to cut off the electricity in my office – which as you know is his own front-room – meaning that it is becoming a matter of life and death for me to get hold of one.
In fact, that’s why this column is a bit late this week because I’m now being forced to work from an Internet cafe to save power. I guess I might have to wait until the “new and improved” Wankband is released.
Talking of “new and improved”, I see my esteemed editor’s former employer, Centaur Media, has unveiled the “new and improved” Marketing Week Live, although from the sound of it, it seems MW Live is not quite so alive after all.
According to the blurb: “We’ve moved to a new location within Olympia to deliver a more focused show and experience for everyone. Because our new home is slightly smaller, it’s essential that we give priority to the people this show is designed for – marketers. You can still join us by either becoming an exhibitor or paying £125 for a supplier pass.”
For “new and improved” read “smaller and bloody expensive”. Not that all small, expensive things are a bad thing – I mean, a Cartier Santos Dumont watch for £8,900 would be lovely – but £125 to listen to a load of boring tossers giving you a sales pitch? No thanks…
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