Outrageous. Disgraceful. Depraving. Shameless. Scandalous. Shocking. Yes, dear readers, I too am shocked and horrified that the nasty and nosey paparazzi have sneaked through the bushes in Provence and taken topless pictures of our future queen.
What on earth were they thinking of? Just down the road in Tuscany they could’ve captured a much clearer picture of my much better, much bigger and much more squeezable 36DDs which were on display for all to see.
My secret agency millionaire certainly enjoyed them – all week, in fact – as he took in the glorious scenery. I’d like to say we toured the world heritage sites of Florence, Siena, and San Gimignano, however, we spent most of the time in our very own Room with a View.
And, thanks to those little blue pills, his tower of Pisa stayed up for six glorious days and nights.
Outrageous. Disgraceful. Depraving. Shameless. Scandalous. Shocking (part 2). Yes, dear readers, I bet Ian Milner regrets that conversation with his PR agency that must’ve gone along the lines of: “Well luv, we’ve got this new benefits book we’ve produced for the agency. It’s a really clever pastiche on people on benefits. I’m even in it, dressed as a Frank Gallagher-style scary Manc. Do you reckon you could get it into the Campaign Diary section? Do you want me to have a chat with Sara Kimberley to see if it’s a goer?”
One lunch ‘meeting’ later and no doubt the slot was sealed, so to speak. But for some reason there appears to be no mention of it in the news section of the Iris Worldwide website. And on its Facebook page, something very strange is going on – in the ‘recommendations’ section there are 27 comments but you can only see the top one that reads: “I really like your benefits book.”
Not too sure the London 2012 Olympics organising committee Locog – for whom Iris designed those bizarre mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville – would be too chuffed. After all, wasn’t it supposed to the ‘inclusive Games’, where everyone, no matter what background, race, creed or disability was welcome? Or was there a sign at the gates of the Olympic Park that said “NO CHAVS”?
And finally, I see Chris Barraclough has jumped into bed with another man. Well, that makes a nice change. But, of all the people in adland, he’s chosen Garry Lace. Now that’s what I call… Outrageous. Disgraceful. Depraving. Shameless. Scandalous. Shocking.
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