“It’s coming home, It’s coming home, It’s coming, Football’s coming home…” Well, we can all dream of beating Germany in Tuesday’s Euro 2020 showdown – surely it’s 2021 now isn’t it? – but is there any chance our boys will be turning on the style against Joachim Löw’s “we’re mediocre until we face England” team?
So far, the Three Lions have played three and only managed to score twice. Not exactly the sort of form which is going to strike fear into any team, let alone one which we so rarely beat. As Gary Lineker once said: “Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and, at the end, the Germans win.”
Of course, as a die-hard Bolton fan I am used to a life of pain, despite our recent return to form, but why, oh why, won’t Southgate try something a bit different, ditch the oldies and deploy some of the young, thrusting ones, like Grealish, Mount, Saka, Sancho and Foden?
I’ve been trying for months to get my bosses to do exactly that; ditch the oldies (ie themselves) and hand over the reins to the youngsters (ie us girls). After all, their influence is waning like the memory of all those long lunches…
To be fair, they could do worse than follow the example set by Whitney Wolfe Herd, the founder of Bumble, the dating app where women are in charge.
The company has closed all of its offices this week to combat workplace stress, with 700 staff worldwide told to switch off and focus on themselves.
Mind you, McFatty and McFatter could also learn a thing or two from our Whitney about making the “office” a nicer environment.
Apparently Bumble’s headquarters in Texas has wall mirrors emblazoned with messages such as “you look bee-autiful honey”. Even the light switches have slogans, telling people to “shine bright like a diamond”.
It also boasts a “Mommy Bar” as well as fortnightly manicures, hair cuts and “blowouts” which the founder said showed “appreciation for our busy bees”.
Fat chance of that here, but to return to Baddiel and Skinner: “Thirty years of hurt, Never stopped me dreaming…”