“Mer, sexe et soleil. Le soleil, au zénith. Vingt ans, dix-huit, dix-sept ans à la limite. Je ressuscite. Toi petite, tu es de la dynamite. Le soleil, au zénith. Me surexcite, tes petits seins de Bakélite qui s’agitent. Toi petite, c’est sûr tu es un hit.”
Hmm, Jean-Claude’s attempt at humour might be more Gregg “I can’t wear pants” Wallace than Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer, but Serge Gainsbourg’s Sea, Sex and Sun is apparently a “classic” (a quick click-through to Google translate and you might discover why it is only a top tune in his eyes).
Still, who are we to complain as our Winnebago Horizon winds its way to the Decision Marketing French House, aka the 1,000-year-old wreck that old McKelvey forces us to pay €1,000 a week for?
To be fair, it’s worth every cent just to get away from the old soak for a while, and with Roxy and Meggy and Peggy from Skeggy in tow, we’re ready to rumble (and hopefully get a fumble) on the DM Girls’ Getaway (Foxy’s French Adventure) 2.0.
And, just to remind you, “the Horizon boasts rear entry, a massive dining area, king- and emperor-sized beds, mega TVs, a cinema room, a hot tub, a jacuzzi and the Winegard Trav’ler automatic HDTV satellite system, as well as a robust SuperStructure, powered patio awnings, and an automatic levelling system to boot”.
Anyway, having been whisked away in our private jet from Brighton City Airport, we soon touched down in our equally private airfield just north of Nice, where J-C was waiting with “bubbles” to pipe us aboard the Horizon. Obviously, we’re quaffing the real stuff, too; drinking Prosecco in these parts is likely to get you lynched.
Just over an hour later and we were rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ through the cheaters’ town of Cannes. I mean, we all knew about the “touchy feely” agency chiefs who have plagued the International Festival of Creativity for decades but now it seems that those up-their-own-arse creative types have been fingered, too.
Who knew that awards entries are regularly compiled by dirty cheats, who specialise in being economical with the truth? Well, to be honest, most people, but they have all kept their gobs shut – until now.
But it does pose the question: how can you trust anyone who has ever won an industry award?
Now, I’m quite proud to say that I have never won a single industry award, not that I have ever entered or been entered for one but, hey, there’s no cheating on this site. Just saying…
Anyway, back to us. C’mon J-C, turn off that Gainsbourg bollocks and put on some bangers – let’s get this party started!
Follow Foxy on X and Instagram if you must, but don’t get too excited as I’m never there
