A cynical festival of tacky cards, overpriced chocolates, heart-shaped pizzas, red roses, overbooked restaurants full of smug couples holding hands and smiling, struggling to hold a conversation. That’s right folks, I too had a crap Valentine’s Day.
Not that I’m bitter and twisted, but I didn’t even get a 7p card from Asda for god’s sake. Mind you, it appears I’m not alone – single Brits reported that February 14 is the day they dread most all year as it reminds them “they have no-one to love” and “makes them feel bad for being single when actually it is no big deal”. Bless.
The only thing I could do was ignore those new Government ads, and drink my way through it all – I was massacred…
But it was obviously a very quiet news week on Brand Republic as they launched a special feature entitled ‘Top 10 Valentine’s Ads’. Whatever next? Top 10 Yellow Fats Ads? Top 10 Detergent Ads? Bah.
Things could be worse though – you could live in Stevenage. Now normally that sentence would be relevant every day of the year but things got even worse at the London overspill town on Valentine’s Day. In what must have been one of the most unromantic moments, the borough council sunk to new lows by asking locals “to display their love for the Hertfordshire town this February 14 by tidying up after themselves”.
According to the local rag, “members of the local authority’s environmental services division were patrolling in the town centre to raise awareness of littering. They encouraged people to pick up after themselves, and heard concerns from residents about littering in their area.” Jeez.
Of course, if you want real vulgarity you only have to go to Saudi Arabia, where a businessman reportedly gave his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers, made of origami-folded currency. “Elegantly” folded bills of 50, 100 and 500 Saudi riyals totalled about £200,000. Classy.
Jealous moi? You betcha. The thing is I hear the new editor of Marketing Week – the rather gallingly good-looking Ruth Mortimer – was inundated with red roses and chocolates from admirers. Well, sad idiots desperate to curry favour and get coverage.
Hmmm, maybe I have inadvertently discovered why I didn’t get anything – no-one actually wants to appear in this column. Mind you, maybe I could claw in a few prezzies for keeping you fools out of the press?
Follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol
