9½ weeks with Barraclough

Well, it didn’t take long for our old friend Chris Barraclough to push Garry Lace out of bed at Beta did it? Bizarrely, it lasted nearly 9½ weeks, although which one was wearing Kim Basinger’s stockings and suspenders and using the horsewhip is a moot point.
Some people have even suggested that Chris was brought in specifically to get rid of Garry ‘Lovelace’ – a bit like some firms send in complete assholes to sit in reception and force companies to pay their debts – but of course I couldn’t possibly comment (well that’s what my libel lawyer tells me).
Now Garry is off to play Phantom of the Opera at ENO, and, to be fair, he’s got the figure for it, too. It is said that former Lowe staff still call him a BBW (a Big Bastard Wanker, allegedly).
Being a BBW myself – a Big Beautiful Woman, of course – I’ve been having a terrible week eating dust, on account of the looming Christmas party season.
Don’t get me wrong, I like having curvs, but even my curvs have got curvs these days so it’s LighterLife all the way until December.
I reckon I could be eating a lot of protein during the seasonal festivities so I’m really going to make an effort and go without this month. I know you guys secretly like a girl with a bit of meat on her – are you listening Claire? – but I’ve got more crackling on me at the moment than a box of pork scratchings.
One party I certainly won’t be going to, however, is the Econsultancy Christmas bash, despite their claim that it is “gaining a reputation in the industry for being the place to see and be seen at Christmas”. You see, the itinerary really does give it all away: “Turn up. Buy drinks. Talk. Buy more drinks. Grab one of the canapes as they shoot past. Meet interesting digital folks. Buy them drinks.”
I mean, what sort of knees-up is that? Firstly, as you are no doubt all too aware, Busty never buys the drinks; secondly, interesting digital folks? Come on…
What it should have said was: “Turn up. Get wasted on free drinks. Make a tit of yourself. Get more free drinks. Show your arse off on the dancefloor. Get more free drinks. Get off with a gorgeous young stud. Share more free drinks. Jump in a taxi. Go back to his place. Shag his brains out all night and then have a big fry-up in the morning.”
Now that’s what I call a party invite. And luckily I’m just waiting for mine to arrive for the DMA Awards any day now. Roll on December 4th…

Follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol