At last, the August Bank Holiday looms and, with it, my first day off in months. You know, I do love my job – yes, the pay review is due Fatty – but sometimes even I need a break to recharge my batteries.
Talking of which, did you see that earlier this week Zoom experienced a major outage across much of the UK, with thousands unable to connect to their business calls, online classes and, er, yoga sessions.
And guess what, with a few spare hours, thousands of Brits did what thousands of Brits always do when they have a few spare hours – they grabbed their battery operated appliances and headed straight to Pornhub, which reported a huge explosion in daytime activity.
Never mind the Duracell Bunny, the Rampant Rabbits and Fleshlights were buzzing up and down the land…
One place which is still not in such a quiver is our old client the Vagina Museum, whose doors have been shut tighter than a gnat’s chuff and whose bar has been drier than a camel’s arse in a sandstorm since lockdown.
Yep, it seems without a stiff response, the Vault of the Vayjayjay risks falling into the cultural clitoral abyss. Apparently, it is also unlikely to qualify for any of the Government’s £1.57bn “economic Viagra” package to prop up theatres, concert halls, art galleries, museums, and other cultural spaces.
To get a slice of that action, the museum has to prove it provides something positive, not just to the arts but also the economy. Unfortunately, it is too early for it to realistically claim it brings tourists to the UK from abroad and it appears the Government is simply giving most of the cash to the “crown jewels” of the UK arts scene…what a load of bollocks.
Still, that’s where you cum in, literally. So, come on girls join with the Decision Marketing Sisterhood – that’s Foxy, Roxy, Peggy and Meggy to you lot – and get down to the museum’s website where you can find loads of stuff to buy for birthday or even Christmas (it’s only 119 sleeps away) pressies. After all, who could resist a custom crochet vulva?
It’s already raised £23,248.94 towards its £25,000.00 target so one final spurt should do it. And with our collective effort, surely it won’t be too long before those Vayjayjay girls will be opening their curtains once more…