Ahoy me dear Foxy fans ‘n welcome t’ dis week’s column, yet again celebratin’ the joy o’ Internation Natter Like a Pirate Day, which t’was held earlier ’tis week.
We’ve done wit’ Rome ‘n the Trevi Foun’ain, the Colosseum, t’ Spanish Steps ‘n t’ Vatican; I even survived a big night out wit’ Maximus Maximus. I must admit, ’twas definitely a case o’ “he came, he saw, he conquered” all night long.
As soon as I was back in Blighty, however, I was struck by a fearful dose o’ the post-holiday blues although help was allegedly round t’ corner wit’ the promise o’ a new tool, which t’was claimed could put a smile on yer face within five minutes.
‘n, no fer once I am nah natterin’ about me latest purchase from Love Honey, ’tis the one ‘n only Alphonsus Obayuwana, MD, PhD, CPC – can thar be another? – who has developed a tool dat can assign a numerical happiness score t’ any individual, whether ye be a peasant or a millionaire, usin’ a universal unit o’ measure called the Personal Happiness Index.
Accordin’ t’ the official blurb, the scale has been introduced in the gud doctor’s new self-help book, The Happiness Formula, which teaches scallywags how t’ create a self-help routine fer achievin’ ‘n maintainin’ true happiness.
As Alphonsus explained in plain English (he’s not a pirate, after all): “Unlike other books about happiness, which are too often filled with dos and don’ts, wishful thinking, and empty aphorisms, The Happiness Formula breaks new ground.
“Despite its title, The Happiness Formula is much more than a mathematical equation for measuring happiness. It is a book about life, the relationship between human hope and happiness, one’s overall feeling of personal satisfaction and subjective well-being.”
Now, it says ‘ere dat Alphonsus be a literary titan, gold award-winnin’ author who ‘as published numerous peer-reviewed tales in national medical journals ’bout human ‘ope and ‘appiness, including The Hope Index Scale dat became widely used at t’ Coca-Cola Crew, General Motors, and the Veterans Administration.
So, wha’, I hear ye ask, be the secret t’ happiness? Will natterin’ like a pirate bring joy or be thar something more deeper?
Sadly, it seems, ye don’t get t’ be a literary titan, gold award-winnin’ author by givin’ away yer secrets fer free. Ye ‘ave t’ cough up pieces of eight ‘n then pay US postage t’ get yer hands on a copy.
Accordin’ t’ Amazon, me copy won’t dock afore the middle o’ October, by which time I will already be happy as Lash-Line Larry ’cause ’twill be only eight weeks ’til Christmas. Ah well, t’was worth a try…
’til next week, me buckos!
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