All the Cummings and goings in the month of self-love

foxy 414So, how’s your International Masturbation Month going? If that’s the first you’ve heard of it, you’d better crack on, you’ve only got until Sunday night to take part in the official celebration of self love.

And there’s even a dedicated website, for those of you who have no idea how to make a decent fist of it. There you will find such insightful articles as “Masturbation during a pandemic: Covid-19”; “How to perform cunnilingus: 10 tips”; and our own personal favourite “Masturbating with a vagina – 10 tricks”.

But, hot off the press, we have the results of a new survey for all you seasoned tossers and friggers out there.

You see, according to a study by online retailer Yellow Octopus, the Covid-19 lockdown has played right into your hands, so to speak, although something does not quite add up.

Apparently only 35% of men said they had been masturbating during work hours, while the figure for women is a paltry 17%.

Younger respondents were typically more likely to have done so, with most of the wankers (31.3%) sitting in the 18 to 24 age bracket. About a quarter of those who admitted to masturbating while working were aged 35 to 44; the age brackets of 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 accounted for about 21% of the wankers each; while 8.3% were aged 65 to 74, although exactly what work they were doing is not known.

However, according to the PornHub Insights Team, nearly everyone in the UK has been hard at it for weeks, ever since it made PornHub Premium free.

And, it seems, that the good residents of Birmingham, Sunderland, Newcastle, Sheffield and Wolverhampton are way up there with the best of them when it comes to pleasing themselves.

Bizarrely, there is no mention of Barnard Castle though, a place, where as everyone knows, one of the biggest wankers in the country likes to hang out…

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