Let Battle Commence…No, not the small town and civil parish in the local government district of Rother in East Sussex, England, which lies 50 miles south-east of London, 30 miles east of Brighton and 20 miles east of Lewes, where William, Duke of Normandy, defeated King Harold II to become William I in 1066.
I mean the BATTLE FOR CHRISTMAS, of course: 58 sleeps and just over 11 hours to be precise and I bet you lot haven’t even thought of what you will be getting me this year either.
Still, having successfully contributed to scuppering the return of Boris Johnson (come on you know it was us “wot won it”) this week I’m turning my attention to the Decision Marketing Christmas Night Out, which I’m sure you will believe me when I tell you can be a very messy affair.
This year, I’ve been charged by the powers that be to come up with something different, so sadly The Bridge Inn and the Indian Cottage Tandoori in sunny Shoreham by Sea are going to miss out (unless they can provide such a great deal that we can hold TWO Decision Marketing Christmas Nights Out that is.)
Anyway, Roxy’s big idea is to visit the Vagina Museum (remember them?) for a grand night of Bajingo Bingo. As the blurb states: “Have you ever wished you could play bingo and learn about the world’s most misunderstood body part? Look no further than the Vagina Museum’s own Bingo night. Arm yourself with vagina knowledge and get the chance to win prizes in the game that will have you screaming bajingo!”
Not too sure of her motivation but I would hazard a guess her new boyfriend is not hitting the spot…
Meanwhile, Peggy and Meggy from Skeggy are keen for us all to go the cinema and then for a big gut blast. However, it seems the movie they are most keen on is Disney’s Reflect, the story of lard-arsed (sorry, plus-sized) young ballerina Bianca “battling her own reflection”, overcoming doubt and fear by channeling her inner strength, grace and power.
To be fair, if I want to see a plus-size heroine all I have to do is look in the mirror…
Anyway, I was just about to give up the will to live when someone recommended the Design My Night website, which claims that “from festive bottomless brunches to cabaret, themed bars, and fun activities, we’re here to bring you all of the best UK Christmas events, whatever your style”.
I don’t know about you lot, but they had me at “bottomless brunch”, which promises a “jam-packed nostalgic day of freaky festive throwbacks, mega mischief and all-round f*ckery” with all you can drink and eat thrown in.
Now that’s what I call “Bajingo”…
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