Balding, ageing, pot bellied, truculent and sexy? Bah

foxy 414Fresh from last week’s shock horror revelations that UK politicians offer slim pickings for us girls and plenty of hot totty for you fellas, a new poll has brought a whole new lorra, lorra pain and has even made me question what is the matter with the sisterhood.

Yep, the annual poll conducted by our friends over at the cheaters’ paradise that is IllicitEncounters, asked 2,000 of its female members who they believed to be the UK’s sexiest man and to score each of the 50 celebrities out of 10.

Step forward the likes of Tom Hardy, Idris Elba, and Cillian Murphy, and maybe all three. But, no, dear Foxy fans, it seems they are not shaggable enough for IllicitEncounters’ women as they only went and crowned Jeremy Clarkson the UK’s top cock for the second year in a row.

In fact, the balding, ageing, pot bellied, truculent, gas-guzzling motorhead and Diddly Squat Farm owner scored 9 out of 10 – up from last year – in a move that some claim proves tweed shirts and bad boy farmer vibes are still a big hit with the ladies. Not this girl; then again I would never claim to be a lady anyway.

In fact, the entire top ten is peppered with mingers, including Gareth “bless him” Southgate, Romesh “not funny” Ranganathan, Sam Robert De Courcy “posh idiot” Thompson, Russ “ginge” Cook and Dermot “mummy’s boy” O’Leary. I don’t think I would touch any of this lot with yours let alone twerk my not inconsiderable derrière anywhere near them.

Luckily, some did see sense and opted for at least a couple of half-decent fellas, with Idris and Tom Holland making an appearance but, c’mon sisters what is the problem?

Illicitencounters spokesperson Jessica Leoni said of this year’s results: “Clarkson and his farm is a bit like Noah’s Ark and, just like the animals in that story, his victory in the Sexiest Man vote has come in twos.

“We all know about his brash persona, but the latest series of Diddly Squat has shown he can tug at heartstrings too – and clearly his famer look continues to set hearts racing.

“Just like last year’s poll, we knew providing our members with a list of 50 famous names and asking them to score them on their ‘sexiness’ would throw up some surprises – we’re not putting it past Clarkson to go for the three-peat next year!”

You people. This country.

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