Hellooooooooooo and Happy New Year to all Busty fans from your new gossip queen, Foxy. Judging by Busty’s inbox, and the outpouring of grief over her decision to step down – Jonathan Spooner was “devastated” – my cousin is going to be a very hard act to follow, but hey, I’m a Northern girl so bring it on.
Of course, I must start by registering my thanks to her for building up such a strong following; as I have found out to my cost, this stuff is not easy to write. (This is my third attempt; the first two were deemed unsuitable for a family publication by my new esteemed editor, even though much of it was taken from my PhD in Sexuality and Gender Studies. Apparently the idea of hiring me was to clean up this column and make Decision Marketing appear respectable. Fat chance.)
Anyway, I hope you like the new picture. As you can see I have a touch of the “ginge” – and I don’t mean the STI – although I prefer the term “strawberry blonde”. And I have also been able to draft in reinforcements in the shape of my older sister, Roxy; she’s the blonde on the left. So, dear readers, welcome to the Foxy and Roxy Show, two for the price of one.
Mind you, Busty was right about the salary. Pathetic. After all, I do have a doctorate and everything. Luckily, this being the online age, I haven’t had to relocate to the over-priced and over-rated South, so at least my paltry wages will stretch a bit further. It also means that when I am forced to go down to “that London” I will be able to claim it on expenses. Yey.
Now this being January, I hear that everyone down South goes on a diet so Roxy and I thought we would check out a few to see what they entail when we stumbled upon Michelin-star chef Tom Kerridge on the telly. Apparently he has lost over 12 stone and is now wanting to impart his knowledge to all the fatties out there (that’s anyone over size 8 down South, and anyone over size 28 up North). His secret? Why, buy his new diet book of course. Not that he followed the recipes himself, you understand, he simply gave up drinking 15 pints a day and went to the gym.
As for me and Roxy, we won’t need to go on a diet as we will be spending January having a “work-out” with Busty’s old flames, Marauding Mike, the Man with the Golden Tongue, Drop Shadow Dickie, Calamity Clive and Rogering Rog. Oh you lucky men. We will also be studying the form on our lesser rival magazines; we’ve seen Busty’s large briefs on them but now need to make up our own minds whether they are as pointless as they appear.
Sadly, though, we will have to let you down on the other January tradition, the Review of the Pornhub Review of the Year. I can’t tell you how many times I have checked to see if it has been written, and then become distracted by other areas of the site, yet still it has not been unclothed. Mind you, the good news for all is that at least I have got next week’s column in the bag…
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