It’s official – everything is shrinking these days. The economy is going down the pan, my bank balance is decidedly dodgy and even poor old Tarquin Farquhar (Farquhar by name, dirty Farquhar by nature) is having difficulty getting to his usual size in this cold snap. No doubt all you other guys are having similar issues.
And now adland’s very own wank mag is getting squeezed hard. No sooner has Claire Beale blown tumbleweed-style over to sister title Marketing, than Campaign has revealed it’s going on a starvation diet. Even Marketing is getting in on the act, by going monthly later in the year.
Of course, I’m more than willing to take some of the credit for this. After all, before I started writing this column, the world was literally awash with marketing magazines. You could say that little ol’ Busty has blown them all away…
Now no-one is more worried about this move than our esteemed editor, who over a somewhat drunken lunch struck a wager with former IPA boss Hamish Pringle over Campaign’s future…and it seems as though Hamish’s assertion that the trade rag would be online only by 2016 is looking more and more likely. You’d better get saving McKelvey, that fiver is far from safe.
Mind you, I’ve got my own worries. How am I supposed to get a new Bikini Perfect Precision Trimmer (product no: HP6375/01) now that WDMP has declined to repitch for the Philips consumer lifestyle division account? Come on Gavin, a girl’s got to keep it trim down there you know… you men seem to like a silky smooth finish.
Anyway, I digress, as I’m pleased to report that all of this talk of shrinkage certainly hasn’t reached the Metropolitan Borough of Bolton. I found myself there earlier in the week following a call from the Three-legged Donkey Sanctuary. It seems marketing director Steve Wonkey was highly impressed with our scamps and was keen to get some flesh on the bones.
And when I got there I realised he was talking literally, too.
Now it is said that man has lived on the moors around Bolton for many thousands of years; more recently though they’ve been living inside Ye Olde Pasty Shop on Churchgate.
Steve insisted we went there as soon as I got off the train to sample the local delicacy, the so-called pastie barm, a pastie in a giant bread muffin. Genius. I’m sure you’ll believe me when I say I’ve had some big things in my mouth over the years, but even I couldn’t swallow a whole one of those. Ah well, the things you do to keep your client happy…
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