Great to be back at work, innit? Yeh right… Well, I trust you all had a great Christmas and that Santa delivered everything you wanted. If he didn’t quite get round to you, that could well have been my fault I’m afraid, as he was slightly waylaid round at my place.
I don’t think it could have been the real Santa, as the bloke who delivered my presents was considerably younger and fitter, and, instead of bags of presents, he had bags of stamina. I must have been a very, very good girl last year, and he certainly delivered his load after spending most of the night in my bed… You could say I had a Santa Bonus.
Anyway, now it’s all over, I’m scouring the Internet to find the best way of losing those extra pounds I have gained. So far, I’ve signed up for the Dukan Diet, the Atkins Diet and Weighwatchers – mind you, having remembered that Jonathan Harman used to handle the Weightwatchers account when he was chief executive of RMG Connect, I might give that one a miss.
Talking of big fellas, one person who didn’t have such a great time over Christmas was DM creative guru Chris Martin (no, not the bloke from Coldplay; the one who’s at Targetbase Claydon Heeley), who ended up in hospital on a drip (no, not on James Kelly).
To be honest, I feared for the worst, as the last time I saw him – at the DMA Awards – he appeared to have piled it on. Luckily, it transpires that it was just trapped wind, and one giant fart later, he was discharged with an advice sheet on how to avoid the potentially lethal concoction of Christmas pudding, brandy butter and sprouts.
And another group of people who had a miserable time were all those folks in Latvia. According to one website, Latvian Post reported that hundreds of small package shipments received from the UK shortly before the New Year were found to have been vandalised.
It suggested thieves were after Viagra, and said it was calling on Royal Mail to improve security measures to reduce the risk of interference. Thing is, those temps at Royal Mail might not have got their pay on time, but they certainly made sure they had a decent shag over Christmas.
Nice to see I wasn’t the only one… Happy New Year!
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