Never let it be said that I’ve knowingly had horse in my mouth. And I was as shocked as anyone – apart from the uber-outraged Daily Mail of course – to discover that I’d been munching on gee-gee for years. Mind you, I suppose it’s slightly better than the pig’s cock and snout which goes into most sausages…
No, dear readers, I prefer watching my nags run around Cheltenham or Aintree rather than the kitchen – sometimes I even manage to escape with some clothes on, too.
In fact, when it comes to equines, I’ve always been much more partial to a bit of donkey, as my stunningly handsome and very rich fella Tarquin Farquhar will confirm.
So imagine my delight when I heard a whisper that the Three-legged Donkey Sanctuary in Bolton were looking to ramp up their direct and digital marketing campaigns.
With years of experience in handling Equus africanus asinus, I was on the blower to marketing director Steve Wonkey before you could say “see you at the glue factory”. After all, with the looming launch of my new agency, Busty’s Direct Sales & Marketing (BDSM), what better way to get on the map than with a bit of charidy work? I can already see the headline now, “Wonkey Donkey loves BDSM”. Come on, you know it makes sense.
Talking of maps, Steve was telling me that he’d been inundated with callers ever since claims emerged that Google had run over a donkey when it was compiling its StreetView in Botswana – although looking at the picture you do have wonder what sort of StreetView it was recording in the middle of the Kalahari desert.
Google claims the donkey is still alive and kicking – it was just having a little roll in the dirt by the side of the road when the car approached. It has even written a blog post to say that no animals have ever been harmed in the making of its mapping system.
But Steve has briefed me to launch a DM campaign to exploit the news. God, this marketing stuff is hard work, innit? Luckily I have mules and minions of my own to do this sort of stuff, and my creative chief Hans Alloverme is bashing one out as we speak….
Back to donkeys, and I’m afraid I must dash. Tarquin has just invited me over as he says he’s got nearly nine inches waiting for me round his place – apparently the snow is pretty bad, too…
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