Busty goes down hard on critics

I must admit I’m still very sore from my trip to Aintree a fortnight ago, and in more ways than one. But what hurts the most is that by now I could be travelling the world, showing off my curves in the finest lingerie and pulling in a handsome salary to boot.
At the moment, my finances make Kerry Katona look like Roman Abramovich. In fact, the only thing that keeps me going each week is knowing that I have so many adoring fans out there in the wonderful world of direct, data and digital marketing.
Not that everyone is so chuffed with my musings, apparently. Old McKelvey hauled me in on Monday to say he is getting inundated with complaints from readers who claim this column has nothing to do with marketing and is obsessed with sex. Well, for those who are so easily offended, what the hell do you expect? I blame my parents – after all, they were the ones who called me Busty, so it’s not actually my fault.
Anyway, I am reliably informed (thanks Ian) that it’s all down to nominative determinism…the theory that a person’s name can have a significant role in determining key aspects of job, profession or even character. See, you don’t only get smut here, you also get an education too.
The theory first emerged in a study by the University of Manchester which claimed “authors gravitate to the area of research which fits their surname”, citing an article on incontinence in the British Journal of Urology by A J Splatt and D Weedon (I kid you not).
I was reminded of this theory when I got an email from the PR department at the IPA from someone called “Tottie Faragher”. Now I have no idea whether she is indeed a stunner, or whether that is in fact her nickname, but you must admit that’s one hell of a moniker to live up to.
Examples of this in the marketing industry seem few and far between, however. But maybe you can all help, is there are a Steve Junkmail around, maybe even a Vera Regression-analysis, or how about a Brian Bogoff?
Not that I am that bothered, to be honest, I am far too busy looking for very generous rich man, who works all the hours god sends. Are you out there Ivor Big’un?

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