Happy May Bank Holiday Weekend! And, dare I say, it’s come just in time to forever expunge the memory of the Rotund Runcorn Rumpus – otherwise known as the Decision Marketing Team Weekend Away To Save the Planet – which, rather fittingly, turned out to be a fat lot of good.
Mind you, while we were “having it large” up North the world plumbed new depths, with the cost of living crisis and the war in Ukraine spreading like the plague into the very essence of British life.
As if it is not hideous enough for Mr Puny Putin to wage war on the innocent citizens of a neighbouring country – and threaten the rest of us with being nuked – more than 3,500 fish and chip shops across the UK now face closure, with Ukrainian sunflower oil shortages ravaging the industry.
You see, according to the National Federation of Fish Friers, the Great British chippie is enduring the biggest crisis in its history.
(C’mon surely they could do with some help from McContent & Design – remember them? – and we might even be able to come to a quid pro quo agreement instead of fees. Chippie tea every night, anyone?).
The trade body’s president, Andrew Crook, who owns Skippers Fish & Chips in Euxton, Lancashire, reckons that up to a third of the nation’s chippies could close by the end of this year due to the shortage. God help Mr Puny if his mad war leads to the loss of such classic brands as The Star Chip Enterprise, Battersea Cod’s Home, For Your Fries Only, and our personal favourite local, The Cod Father.
But that’s not all. Glass prices are now 20% higher than they were a year ago, meaning everything from wine and beer to cider and spirits will rocket. Meanwhile, products from bread and biscuits to hand soap and lipstick are set to become more expensive in the wake of a surprise export ban on palm oil announced by Indonesia.
I can’t even take comfort in scoffing CHOCOLATE, because that’s going up too.
In fact, there only one thing for it; turn off the news and get plastered. Well, it is May Bank Holiday Weekend after all…
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