“Hot town, summer in the city, Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty, Been down, isn’t it a pity? Doesn’t seem to be a shadow in the city, All around, people looking half dead, Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head.”
Yep, the Lovin’ Spoonful – sadly not, the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd, Mr Jonathan Spooner Esq – but the Sixties band are on full volume as the Decision Marketing Bus Tour of Britain continues on its merry way.
Last week we had it large in Andover in Hampshire, which, according to everyone’s favourite cheating website illicitencounters.com, is the UK’s randiest town due to huge swathes of the population snapping up sex toys over the past couple of years.
This week we are heading off to sample the delights of Norfolk, which, according to Visit Norfolk at least, “whatever your interests, whatever your age, whether you’re on your own, as a couple, in a group, or with kids, Norfolk has things to do for you all”.
To be fair, its towns are way down on the list of randy places. Cromer, for example, is number 1,081 out of 1,551 of the UK’s sexiest towns, although Norwich – once home to an agency which proudly called itself Big Dog – makes a decent fist of it at number 163.
Anyway, I must admit I was beginning to wonder what on earth we were going to get up to when Visit Norfolk informed us that the county “is famous for its birdwatching, for boating in the Broads National Park and for our beaches and coast and is perfect for walking and cycling”. What a load of ole squit, as the locals might say…
Then, it finally hit me; the only reason we were coming here was to satisfy my esteemed editor’s craving to be pictured alongside rude street names, and funnily enough Norfolk is stuffed to the brim with them.
So, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of a day out with my boss, be sure to make your way to Dick’s Mount, Balls Lane, Hooker Road and Cat’s Bottom to catch him in all his glory.
Failing that, I have been informed that the Decision Marketing Holiday Bus will be reversing in and out of Slutshole Lane for most of the week. Well, surely, it would be rude not to wouldn’t it?
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