Is it hot enough for you yet? This Sahara heatwave is playing havoc here at the “Decision Marketing Nerve Centre” (otherwise known as McKelvey’s front room) now that I have my new fuller figure.
How Fatty and Fatter (my two bosses) cope, gawd only knows, although funnily enough, they are never around when you want their advice.
In fact, they were last seen heading off for yet another “tissue meeting” on Monday. However, I’m not sure whether they were planning an informal presentation of creative work to a potential McContent & Design client or simply going off to finger through Fatty’s Patsy Kensit collection. You can’t blame them, she is FIT.
Still, I’m sure they will be back soon as today is none other than National Cream Tea Day. Of course, I have been hard at it in the kitchen all week bashing out scones, cakes and biccies to make sure Fatty and Fatter keep piling on the pounds. (Can’t have them looking thinner than me, can I?)
Until then, though, I have been left holding the fort. Even Roxy has deserted me, claiming she has been called to her very own “tissue meeting” with Jonathan Spooner, the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd and his Brighton buddy, Omaid “Brains from Thunderbirds” Hiwaizi.
No, no, no, they are not planning a threesome – although I’m sure Roxy would be up for it – they are actually planning Omaid’s 110010th birthday (don’t ask me, apparently it’s some sort of mathematical riddle).
According to the invite, he’s ordered a truck load of booze and lots of food (no pasty barms though as he’s a staunch vegan) and there is also going to be a “really, really fab slight of hand magician” – look into my eyes, look into my eyes…
No doubt Brains will also be showing off his beautiful house, his beautiful wife and his beautiful kids, too. But I’m sure if I work my own magic on the “really, really fab slight of hand magician” he might even be able to make Brains disappear altogether, and then maybe, just maybe I will be able fulfil my sapphic dream and move into his beautiful house, with his beautiful wife and his beautiful kids (well it is Pride Week).
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