So, how’s the WFH going? Bored out of your skull yet? Still battling with the best strategy to adapt to all that extra time you have on your hands? No more hours spent commuting to and from work and in endless, pointless meetings?
Well, according to the gurus on LinkedIn there are myriad “coping strategies”. Not if you happen to be Steve Kemish, managing partner at marketing agency Junction, however. His “helpful” advice for home-workers was pretty simple: “1. Get up 2. Turn on laptop.” Yep, that was it.
And having worked from home – well, the Decision Marketing Nerve Centre (DMNC) – for longer than I care to mention, I found myself nodding in agreement. That was until a certain Huw Davis (yes, the one and only Huw Davis) added: “Actually I think 3 is ‘watch porn’ and no doubt 4 is then have a pleasant cup of tea. U can’t argue with hard data!”
Sadly, due to Covid-19, I’ve been ordered to be nice to everyone, so all I can say is “THANKS FOR THE GREAT TIP HUW”. (But next time keep your tip to yourself, luv, and I bet that isn’t the first time you’ve been told that either!)
Still, here at the DMNC, I am in need of some down time but now we’ve been told that, as “public service journalists”, we’re crucial to the country and have been put on a war footing. God help us.
The trouble is, the DMNC is filling up fast. McCawley’s moved his whole family in from “Printer Land” (otherwise known as North Kent); Roxy’s kidnapped Jonathan Spooner, the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd; I have tied up “Desperate Dan”; and our child web-ops expert has shipped over his mum and dad and grandparents. McKelvey has tried to convince his family to come home but has instead had to opt for some random bloke he found down the pub.
As you can imagine, we’re now bursting at the seams and the bog roll is running out fast. If all else fails, we’ve been told that there’s huge back catalogue of Precision Marketing copies lurking somewhere. Mind you, having a read a few, I definitely wouldn’t wipe my arse on those…