Foxy uncovers the simple naked truth behind ‘sex sells’

“This royal throne of kings, this scepter’d isle, This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war.” Yep, I am coming over all John of Gaunt in Richard II this week (lucky old John of Gaunt in Richard II I hear you say) as, sometimes, just, sometimes, you gotta love this country.

None more so than when you have time to study Lovehoney’s seminal Sex Map of Britain, revealing the award winners for Raunchiest Places in the UK, with stats on regional kinks, the unlikely towns buying the most sex toys and much more.

And, drum roll, it transpires that the good citizens of Enniskillen in Northern Ireland were well ahead of the rest in their lust for the craik. With a population of around 14,000, the historic area ranked first out of 907 regions for number of total purchases per person, third for bondage gear, and sixth for roleplay equipment – with the costume of choice being a secretary outfit.

In England, Carterton in Oxfordshire took the top spot for the horniest town, while Amesbury in Wiltshire and Towcester in Northamptonshire took second and third. For Wales, Tonyrefail and Aberystwyth were the top two, while Forres and Dunbar filled the spots in Scotland.

Outside of these sexiness rankings, some areas have some standout stats that were worthy of a special mention…

While Campaign magazine fawns over the winners of its Brand Film Awards, Lovehoney’s gongs are so much more interesting, with Birmingham taking home the Best Dressed Award, buying more costumes per person than any other region in the UK; Carlisle scooping the Pulses Racing Award for being the primary customers of nurses outfits, and Perth earning the Authority Award for buying the most police costumes.

Meanwhile, Swindon took the title of Most Otherworldly Region thanks to its penchant for monster dildos, indulging in fantasy of a different kind. On the complete opposite end of the scale, Dorchester won the Most Potential Award due to being the region that bought the fewest sex toys – however, it’s also the region that bought the highest amount of sex-related books per person. Much like the award implies, there is definitely some potential there.

Elsewhere, in Scotland, the Shetland Islands are staying safe with the Safe Sex Award due to them proportionally buying the most condoms, as well as – on an unrelated note – buying the highest amount of realistic “veejay” toys.

Putting competition aside, the UK as a whole bought its fair share of products last year. A grand total of 422,840 inches of dildos were shipped, equating to around 111 Big Bens worth of silicone, plastic, and metal little Bens.

As a nation, we also bought 35,000kg of lube, enough to fill 28 four-person hot tubs, with cherry coming out as the most popular flavour followed by strawberry and passion fruit.

But, as always, I hear you ask: what the hell has this all got to do with marketing?

Well, let’s be fair, despite consumers constantly claiming to be skint, when push comes to shove (quite literally it seems) they can all find a bit extra to fund fun in the bedroom…

Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram,  just don’t get too excited as she’s never there