Take for instance last week. So, there we were, the Idol family, settling down to watch another cracking episode of Come Dine With Me (no, not the DMA’s version) when suddenly a face familiar to anyone who has attended an industry award do popped up on the screen. “Marketing consultant Gail” was none other than the queen of the Northern agency scene herself, the irrepressible Gail Dudleston.
OK, for some strange reason she wasn’t lauded as “the chief executive of twentysix, the agency which brings your brand to life online with the full spectrum of digital marketing services”, but come on, she was on the bloody telly, what more do you want?
And I know you’re all dying to know what was on the menu. So in the words of the Channel 4 website, “Gail broke out the squeaky cheese for her starter of grilled halloumi and sweet chilli peppers. From the pet shop to the pig sty, Gail’s main was a marvellously meaty pork fillet wrapped in tomato and basil parma ham. And for dessert? She paid tribute to Wakefield with her rather regional rhubarb and custard tart”.
Other than cringing at the bitching of fellow contest Carly, who thought she was God’s gift but who was in fact a fat, ageist, midget, the funniest part was when the other diners took a nose round Dudlestone Towers. There they discovered a freezer full of rats and mice.
At first I was praying Our Gail would feed them to Carly. Then I thought of her poor fella, Ian Haworth (yeh, you know the one, global creative chief at Rapp). Does he have to eat vermin when he goes up to visit at weekends? He’s built like a brick shit house so he probably would enjoy ripping the heads off a few… Thankfully, all was revealed when Our Gail came out with her pet python.
Anyway, despite being the life and soul of the show, Our Gail came last. Don’t give up the day job chuck…
One couple who will be giving up the day job are Clive and Edwina of DunnHumby fame, having pocketed a cool £48m from selling their remaining stake in the company to Tesco. Of course, I only found that out when I was lining the cat-litter tray and saw their beaming faces staring up at me from The Sunday Times Business section.
The subtext of the article was that Edwina was a bossy boots (“well-groomed and direct”) and Clive was a moody lard-arse (“rotund and thoughtful”). But hey, there could well be just a tad of jealousy creeping in from the journalist. After all, Edwina and Clive get paid £600,000 a year and have villas in West London, Gloucestershire and Majorca (where they also have a boat) – oh yeh and 48 million quid; the journo has to work at Fortress Wapping…
And who says only losers work in DM?
(Got anything you’re dying to get off your chest? Email me, discretion guaranteed! firstname.lastname@example.org)
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