Earth to McKelvey. Earth to McKelvey. Has anyone seen my esteemed editor lately? The last time I spotted him was nearly a fortnight ago, as he staggered out of the front door slurring something along the lines of “so many lunches, so little time…”
I know it’s tough work being the face of any industry but the annual office sweapstake over whether he will actually make it through to New Year without a trip to A&E is looking like it might pay up this year.
According to the tracking device I secretly installed on his mobile, he is currently in Cockfosters. Exactly how he got there is anyone’s guess but as you all know it is at the end of the Piccadilly Line, and just so happens to be home to the depot where they store all the Tube trains overnight.
I have tried calling him but to no avail…it’s very urgent that he gets back as it’s the DecisionMarketing Christmas lunch today and I am definitely not paying for that.
Rather fittingly, today is also Booze Black Friday as the week before Christmas sees alcohol takings rise in pubs, clubs, restaurants and hotels by an astonishing 142% – and that doesn’t even take into account McKelvey’s intake.
Not that I have minded him being AWOL, to be honest. Without him pestering me, with his own brand of “only being friendly”, I can at least put my feet up and continue the countdown to the Big Day, when, in the time-honoured tradition I will be donning my festive outfit – and riding Santa for hours. I might even let Rudolf have a play, too.
One thing is puzzling me, however, as despite last week’s big hints, I have yet to receive my Fortnum & Mason hamper, or any bottles of bubbly. And Marauding Mike still hasn’t coughed up for that bottle of Louis Roederer, Cristal Methuselah 2002, a snip at just £9,000.
Of course there is still time, dear Busty fans, come on, do I have to get down on my knees yet again?
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