How adland plans to help the world from the afterlife

foxy 414“Last Christmas, they all took the piss, slabs of cheese and gallons of Domaine Lafage Côté Est, this year, to give us some cheer, we hope they’ll be ten grand poorer…”

Yep, dear Foxy fans, I too am livid about the “gatherings” in Downing Street, where No 10 staff are said to have had a whale of time while the rest of the nation sat around being miserable.

A ten grand fine for the each of them – including gone but not forgotten COP26 “mastermind” Allegra Stratton – might ease some of my pain but the allegations are made all the more heinous because at the time I was locked up with my esteemed bosses, who were banging on about how much fun they had back in the day on Marketing Week.

Did you know that McThinner had the “world exclusive” that Taco Bell was launching in the UK, nearly twenty years ago? Oh how they laughed and I wept when McFatty piped up that he too had had a “world exclusive” but that his story about the launch of a Crash Bandicoot clothing range was spiked…until now.

Still, this week has seen a news story that even those two super hacks would have been proud of. Why, it’s the launch of the Earth’s Black Box, of course.

Apparently, operating in the same way as a plane’s flight recorder, which details the final moments before a crash, this steel vault will be about the size of a school bus and be cited in Tasmania.

It will record the Earth’s warming weather patterns, listen to what we say and do, and create an archive that could be critical to piecing together the mistakes should humanity be destroyed by climate change.

Now just who, I hear you ask, could have come up with such a brainwave? Why an advertising agency, naturally, Clemenger BBDO in collaboration with the equally “desperate for some coverage” University of Tasmania.

The agency’s executive creative director Jim Curtis has said the box will be designed “to hold our leaders to account. If civilisation does crash, this box will survive with a completely objective data story”. Yes, Jim, it would be the end of life, but not as we know it.

Now, the crucial question is, if civilisation does crash, who exactly will be left to open the box? Surely Boris Johnson can’t survive the Apocalypse, too?

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