How the sisters could bring the Sparks back to Marks

foxy 414Well, it’s fair to say we left no stone unturned – or prosecco bottle unopened – in our first Decision Marketing Girls’ Weekend Away of the summer down in the West Country; we bathed in Bath and got our bristols out in Bristol but even we drew the line at climbing aboard Brown Willy.

Anyway, naturally we put the world to rights – just keep your heads down fellas (literally) – and the McKelvey sisters, Roxy, and Peggy and Meggy from Skeggy and I also shopped for Britain. Well, someone’s got to keep the economy going…

Anyway, there we were in M&S when Roxy came up with some great marketing insight, courtesy of leading extra-marital dating site IllicitEncounters.com, which the retailer’s chief digital and data officer Jeremy Pee could do with having a decent gawp at.

You see, according to a survey of 800 of the site’s female members, the vast majority (37%) buy their sexy lingerie from Marks & Sparks, with Ann Summers next (23%), then Victoria’s Secret (18%), Agent Provocateur (7%) and Boux Avenue (6%) bringing up the rear. Even so, only 11% buy it to wear for their husbands, with an enormous 73% buying lingerie to impress their bit on the side.

And, digging a little deeper, apparently over half (52%) of female cheaters have a bra size between AA and C cups – making women with smaller breasts more likely to stray compared to us bigger busted girls.

The number one cup size of an adulterer is a B cup; some 27% claim to be a size B, with 32B being the most popular.

IllicitEncounters.com sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni said: “32B or not a B? That is the question! Turns out a small bust size can get you busted, whereas knockers won’t get you nicked!

“Of course, affair-seekers aren’t getting sexy for their husbands. Women all over are reclaiming their sexual prowess by getting dressed up for their lovers.

“Why do cheats shop for lingerie at Marks & Sparks? It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? A woman juggling a household and a lover simply doesn’t have the time to shop around. Kill two birds with one stone by doing food and lingerie shopping at the same time. It’s also a great way to not raise any questions from suspecting husbands!”

So, there you have it, Jezza Pee, if you really want to return M&S to its former glory, forget the multi-million pound digital transformation programme, just make sure the food and lingerie aisles are right next door to each other…

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