Oh the joys of email personalisation. So, there I was, trawling my inbox for something interesting to write – believe me, there is no greater challenge – when up popped a personal invite from Mr Baywatch himself, David Hasselhoff, begging me to join him on a cruise round the Mediterranean, or Mediterrean as he called it.
He’s promising to “party Hoff Style” for days and wants little ol’ me to join in the fun.
In a very touching invite, he wrote: “Thanks to my fans around the world I can look back on an exceptional career in show business and there is much more to come! It is high time to give back the gratitude and fun that you bring me every day. I will be on board throughout the journey and cannot wait to spend unforgettable days with you!”
To be honest, he’s not really my type but, hey, he is loaded and it’s got to be better than the normal “opening of an envelope” events I get invited to.
I was just about to fire off my RSVP when I realised it was not actually a personal invitation at all. It was from a cruise company and they want to charge me over two grand to spend a few days in the company of a load of “Hoff” nutters… Bah.
Admittedly, I am desperately in need of a break, but even I’m not that desperate. And as I don’t work for the Beeb, my options are somewhat limited.
In fact the only other offer I have had so far is to join the Decision Marketing “busman’s holiday” in a small derelict house in the South of France with patchy Internet access, no running water let alone a swimming pool and the prospect of spending two weeks with a hot and bothered McKelvey stumbling round half-naked with a hanky tied to his head.
Anyway, I was just about to decline this “kind” offer too, when I happened upon a personalised missive from eBay in his inbox, based on his past purchasing behaviour, which carried the tantalising headline: “This email contains one huge bowl of Charlie.” I kid you not.
Oh the joys of email personalisation. Of course, I don’t think they meant it quite so literally but I am willing to take a chance, and maybe, just maybe, a fortnight with my esteemed boss and his huge bowl of Charlie won’t be so bad, after all…
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