In dreams you are mine, all of the time – yeah right

foxy 414And so this is Christmas (part two). Well, once the John Lewis and Waitrose festive ad breaks, it’s official and we can all start the countdown can’t we? And, the last time I checked, there were only 43 sleeps to go.

Mind you, you would think that this year’s activity was the biggest ad to ever have been made the way Campaign has gone to town. And, just in case you haven’t yet figured the way through the rather pathetic paywall, Brittaney Kiefer has stretched out the tale of two-minutes of nonsense to nearly 1,000 words. Poor luv. To be honest, I could’ve summed it up in just one word: “BORING”.

Ah well, hopefully it will at least raise some money for the charities involved; John Lewis and Waitrose, which have been battered hard by the coronavirus, won’t be getting a single penny, of course.

That, it seems, is not a problem affecting, the self-proclaimed “leading UK dating website for married people”, which has made a killing in recent months.

You see, the site has witnessed a massive spurt of new members due to “lockdown cabin fever”, with marrieds dreaming of some light relief from the tedium of being stuck with their partners at home for days, weeks and months on end. And, according to a new survey carried out by the site, the most common thing that men dream about is having sex with an ex, while women dream about having sex with a friend.

Of course, no sex survey would be complete without the big (butt) plug and IllicitEncounters sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni is right on cue: “We all love having erotic dreams and they definitely provide a pointer to our real desires. What our erotic dreams show is that lots of us are not happy with our sex lives and dream of something more exciting such as an affair.” (Boomshakalaka!)

As we all know, most men are dreamers anyway and their top ten includes group sex (forget it fellas); BDSM (you can stuff that gimp mask where the sun don’t shine matey) and sex with a total stranger (as if). Bizarrely though, “screwing anything that moves” did not feature at all.

Rather worrying for us girls though is that our top ten includes shagging both a work colleague and the boss (but not necessarily at the same time).

Now, I don’t know about the rest of you sisters, but the prospect of jumping into bed with the gruesome twosome of McFatty and McFatter is enough to turn me into a full-blown vagitarian. In fact, compared to a few minutes with that duo, even the John Lewis and Waitrose ad might – just might – seem exciting…

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