So, with Foxy Over A Barrel – my new premium craft ale – now bottled and primed, and the next batch already mashed, sparged, boiled, cooled, and fermenting away nicely, I suddenly find myself with lots of spare time on my hands.
Basically, I need a new hobby that doesn’t involve me going out and getting annihilated, blootered, drenched, ferschtinkenered, guzzled, hammered, mashed, monstered, obliterated, raddled, roistered, scuttered, slammed, smashed, soaked, twatted, wankered and wazzed (I told you @PeteBrownBeer knew his stuff).
Anyway, I was just about to jump on McKelvey’s organ – of the Hammond variety obviously, what do you take me for? – when up popped an email from my cousin Busty about a new “opportunity”.
You see, having held this job for more years than she cares to remember, our Busty knows more than most what a financial struggle working for this esteemed publication can be, and that’s without the threat of a Covid-19 ad revenue meltdown.
Apparently, we do this job for the greater good not the greater salary.
Still, according to Busty, help is at hand from online market place Ricky.com, which is registered in Brighton of all places. Anyway, it is offering over £20,000 a year for a part-time adult toy tester, who gets to give its products the once over to make sure they hit the spot, so to speak.
You then get to offer suggestions on how each one could be improved and even help in creating new, desirable toys for existing and future customers.
With flexible hours and unlimited orgasms, what’s not to like?
Ricky.com founder Tom “Pleasure” Thurlow (OK we made that bit up but you get the gist) said: “We’re looking for pleasure-seeking men and women around the world, who get just as excited about sex toys as we do. It is our goal to make orgasms exceptional and we need the right sex toy tests to enforce that.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re new to sex toys or are familiar with our entire range, we’re all about passion at Ricky.com so if this sounds like you then get in touch.”
And with any hole a goal, it seems that I can now stay inside and still get annihilated, blootered, drenched, ferschtinkenered, guzzled, hammered, mashed, monstered, obliterated, raddled, roistered, scuttered, slammed, smashed, soaked, twatted, wankered and wazzed, after all.