“And now, the end is near and so I face the final curtain…” Well, dearest Busty fans, I have some sad news to impart; this is not only the last column of the year, it is also the last ever column from your favourite gossip girl. That’s right, my 38DDs and I are calling it a day to make way for a younger and – rather annoyingly – far more attractive model, my little cousin from oop North, Foxy.
As you know, we do like to keep things in the family at the Idol household, and when I first took over from my Uncle Ivan at “the august, industry-benchmarking and thought-leading publication Decision Marketing” in 2011, it was only supposed to be for a few of weeks while he was on holiday. However, the Busty Bonus proved so popular that, well, my esteemed boss and many, many others besides, simply couldn’t get enough of me.
But all good things have to come to an end some time, although I would like to scotch any suggestions that I may be setting up in business with Mike Cavers and Trefor Thomas, who are also now looking for work.
I do have a new job to go to but for once my lips are sealed tight. If I tell you, I might have to kill you and that wouldn’t be particularly good for our readership figures.
Yet if you thought I was butt-nasty, I’m a pussycat compared to Foxy – well, she’s learned from the best – and she’s well versed in the ways of the direct marketing industry, as well. She’s gagging to meet up with the men in my life, so, Marauding Mike, the Man with the Golden Tongue, Drop Shadow Dickie, Calamity Clive and Rogering Rog you’re in for a treat.
She also loves nothing more than the Pornhub Insights blog. In fact, she has even been known to understand it. Not only is she younger, more attractive and more nasty, she’s the brains of the family too.
And just in case our lesser rivals think they might now be off the hook, all I can say is that they don’t call her “forked tongue Foxy” for nothing. That reputation has been hard earned in the working men’s clubs of Bolton, Blackburn and Rochdale, while she supported herself studying for her PhD in Sexuality and Gender Studies.
So, all that remains for me to say is “goodbye and good luck”, believe me, with Foxy on your case, you’re going to need it. xxxx
