“Oh what fun we had, But did it really turn out bad, Our weekend in Skeggy, with the girls and Meggy and Peggy. Oh, what fun we had, But at the time it seemed so bad, trying different ways, to drink our way through the days…” With apologies to Suggs and Madness, that just about sums up the second Decision Marketing Girls Weekend Away of the summer.
Mind you, “summer” is pushing it; it was bloody freezing in Skeggy. Never mind, this weekend it’s August Bank Holiday so it’s bound to be pissing down, too.
Still, back to me and I must admit I haven’t been feeling myself this week. But before you all say “that’s what Desperate Dan – the Southern Softie who’s hard in all the right places – is for”, what I really mean is that I’m feeling very old, and I am only 31; 32 on October 25 for those of you who are interested.
Surely it can’t be just me but everyone else in the world is seemingly obsessed with Millie and Liam, Chloe and Toby, Faye and Teddy, Kaz and Tyler. Yep, the Love Island 2021 Final.
I think I’d rather join the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd, Mr Jonathan Spooner Esq. down at the eye clinic for a needle through the cornea than watch this bullshit. What is the point of it all?
To reinforce my feelings of premature middle-ageing, this week I’ve also found myself craving a job at The National Trust, which is now planning to give its workers siestas due to increasingly hot weather (we wish) because of climate change.
Apparently staff and volunteers in the South of England will be given more Mediterranean working hours, with a long lunch break and the day starting earlier and finishing later, allowing them to avoid the hottest part of the day.
A spokesperson for the charity told someone: “It’s fair to say that as we experience more extreme temperatures, we will be looking to offer Mediterranean working hours, especially in the east which is likely to experience more frequent higher temperatures to ensure the health and safety of our staff and volunteers.”
Worryingly, my esteemed bosses, McFatty and McFatter, have been following this routine, having very long lunch breaks and afternoon naps, for years. Please don’t tell me I’m turning into them?!