Well, Happy New Year to you lovely peeps… I trust you all had a marvellous break and are now raring to get back in the swing of things. For those you who’ve been back for nearly two weeks, sorry but isn’t it time you looked for a better job?
Sadly, my chances of easing myself in slowly have already gone out of the window, this being the first day of McKelvey’s Birthday Weekend (yep, miraculously he’s still alive, although we are working hard on replacing him with an AI bot, then at least we would be able to turn him off).
Of course, my esteemed boss loves nothing more than tradition and he is arguably so set in his ways he makes Victor Meldrew look easy-going. So we can all look forward to a gossip-fuelled lunchtime piss-up at Shoreham’s finest hostelries, including The Duke of Wellington and the fittingly named Piston Broke (sadly we’ve been barred from The Bridge Inn after our Christmas night out!). This will be followed by a gossip-fuelled curry at the Indian Cottage Tandoori (where else?) and then back to the office to fire off a few arsey emails before heading back out again. It’s hard work but someone’s got to do it.
Still, we think we’ve got it tough; apparently our friends over at the cheaters’ paradise that is IllicitEncounters.com are so rushed off their arses, they are struggling to keep up with demand after a rampant surge in sign-ups.
Yep, the platform has reported a rock hard increase in registrations, and predicts the number to keep going up and up and up throughout the week until it bursts, driven by post-holiday blues and a desire for fresh flesh in the New Year.
Jessica Leoni from Illicit Encounters said: “It’s the busiest we’ve ever been. The start of a new year always prompts a spike, but 2025 has started off with unprecedented demand.
“In fact, we’ve been struggling so much to keep up with the surge in sign-ups, we’ve got a team working around the clock to keep things running smoothly.” Lucky them.
And, according to that ever reliable news source, the Daily Mail, one new member of Illicit Encounters from Brighton has revealed why she joined the platform on New Year’s Day.
She said: “It wasn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve been unhappy for a long time, and after the Christmas holidays, I realised I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine. I joined hoping to find someone who sees me, someone who brings joy back into my life.”
To be honest that set off major alarm bells in the Decision Marketing Nerve Centre. If it’s McKelvey’s missus, we’ll never get him out of the pub…
Follow Foxy on X and Instagram if you must, but don’t get too excited as I’m never there
