They say it’s grim up North, and, to be fair, they could have a point but I’m still loving it up in Blackburn now that little ol’ Busty is at the forefront of this website’s expansion plans.
Everything up here is super-sized, if you get my drift, and I don’t just mean the chip portions. I had to tell one local lad to steady on – I’m not used to putting so much in my mouth at once.
Not that I’ve been out much. According to the publication Crap Towns Returns: “Twinned with Péronne, a war ravaged part of the Somme region, Blackburn has a similar post-devastation chic. Empty streets, shuttered shopfronts and dour-faced social anomalies permeate the town.
“Some 26% of the population are Muslim and, if my experiences stand for anything, the other 74% appear to be aggressive racists. While enjoying a watery pint of Murphy’s in an Irish pub I was treated to a pensioner shouting at his own football team on the television – because there were too many ‘fucking foreigners’ involved.
“Some 3,406 people suffered violence or wounding in Blackburn alone last year, making GBH just about the only hobby on offer.”
To be honest, that’s a little harsh and luckily there is an upside to living up here. You can buy a whole street for a tenner – which is just as well given the paltry salary I’m on – so I used my credit card to purchase a lush place in somewhere called Pleasington (you can’t make this stuff up).
And news certainly spreads fast; no sooner had I said we were opening an office up here than I was inundated with readers giving me the local lowdown on the best places to visit.
None quicker than the indefatigable Simon Kershaw, who has really come to my rescue – and I bet you never thought you’d read that sentence did you? He’s just one of the local dignitaries, which also include Ian McShane, Lee Mack and Barbara Castle, who have strong links with the town.
Anyway, “the reverend of direct marketing” has even promised to come up and give me a personal tour of all the best drinking holes, although I have yet to find anywhere which matches Simon’s favourite Soho haunts of The French House and Kettners. No offence intended, but The Spread Eagle doesn’t quite cut it for me…
You can also follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol
