“In the summertime when the weather is hot, You can stretch right up and touch the sky, When the weather’s fine, You got men, you got men on your mind, Have a drink, have a drive. Go out and see what you can find…”
That’s right Foxy fans, we’ve got Mungo Jerry on the office cassette player (McKelvey hasn’t quite woken up to the joys of streaming yet), and I have come over all Summery (lucky old Summery, as they say).
Still, as ever, there is something missing in my life. Of course, I have a great job (well, three to be precise) even though I toil away in the gig economy; I have a gorgeous sister; loads of male and female friends in Brighton (even a few non-binary ones, too); and, last but by no means least, a great boss (my pay review is coming up so I need to get that one in there).
However, I still haven’t found that someone special. You know how it is girls, us career women are always too busy to find lurve (even if only for a Summer fling.) I also need a plus-one for the McContent & Design (we put craft at the heart of your business) Wedding of the Year.
What? You haven’t heard? Bad news girls, Bolton’s PR to the stars, and our very own content king, Ian “George Clooney” McCawley, is now officially off the market. He is tying the knot next weekend in North Kent in some style (is that an oxymoron?).
Not too sure what’s on the menu, but the word on the street is that his mum and dad plan to fill up their Winnebago with our man’s favourite treats. According to my sources, they have stocked up at the award-winning Cheese Stall Bolton & Bury Market, cleaned out Thornton’s on Market Street and emptied Ye Olde Pasty Shop of pasty barms, just in case “our Ian” gets a bit peckish before his tea.
Anyway, I digress. As you may recall, last summer’s attempt to bag a rich fella wasn’t an entire success; after a week on pilotsdating.org the only G-Force I witnessed was “Granddad Force” with most of the fellas on there way too old, even for me.
And I was just thinking where next to try when up popped a fascinating news story on the BBC website, which reported that, “shock horror”, scammers who use dating sites to trick people into handing over cash can be spotted using artificial intelligence.
It went to say that the neural network showed profiles of fakes and scammers used more images and “emotive language”, with common words employed being “caring”, “passionate” and “loving”.
Er, now call me old fashioned, but surely the clue is in the “HANDING OVER THE CASH” part.
Even so, with Action Fraud reporting that British women handed over £50m to romance scammers in 2018, I might just try my arm at “caring”, “passionate” and “loving” language myself and launch my own sapphic money making venture on Pink Cupid instead.
Back to Mungo: “Sing along with us, Dee dee dee-dee dee, Dah dah dah-dah dah, Yeah we’re hap-happy, Dah dah-dah, Dee-dah-do dee-dah-do dah-do-dah, Dah-do-dah-dah-dah…”
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