“We’ve had ten years, stuck on my eyes, ten years, what a surprise, we’ve had ten years, my brain hurts a lot, ten years, and I’ve lost the plot.” With apologies to Bowie, we’ve all lost the plot here at the Decision Marketing Nerve Centre after suddenly discovering it’s been a DECADE since someone had the brainwave to launch this august site.
However, as my old boss once said: “You can’t make an omelette without smashing a few eggs”, so it is perhaps not too surprising that we’ve made a few enemies along the way, but mostly small men with micro-penises who had it coming anyway (go on, click on the link, I dare you!).
Luckily, not everyone’s such a dick; some are positively gushing. None more so than the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd, Mr Jonathan Spooner Esq, who describes us as “the United Kingdom’s Premier Digital Publication For The Data Driven Marketing Industry – or whatever we’re calling it this week.”
Others, who will remain anonymous as we don’t want to embarrass them, have called our work “joyful”, witty”, “informative” and “aspirational”. OK, I made the last one up but you get the, er, “jism”…
In fact, it’s believed that even my esteemed editor has at least one or two secret admirers, other than himself (so secret that even they don’t know it themselves yet).
Now, I’ve even heard talk that some people believe McKelvey writes everything on this site – including these musings – and that Foxy simply doesn’t exist, and nor do Roxy or Peggy and Meggy from Skeggy.
Bah, we’re all real alright and larger than life, too, on account of stuffing our faces since lockdown. How else do you think we ensure Our Friends in the North get equal coverage with the Southern Softies.
The same, it seems, can’t be said for our much lesser rival Campaign, despite its insistence it’s not a London centric wank mag anymore. If that were true, surely its new series called “The Lists 2020” – in which it fellates the egos of its favourite ad luvvies – would be brimming with people from all over the country wouldn’t it?
So, let me spare you the tedium of checking for yourselves. Here’s the rundown: Are there any people from outside the capital in the Top 10 media buyers? Nope. Top 10 ad planners? Zilch. Top 15 creatives? Zero. Top 10 media suits? Nil.
Then again, as my old boss also said: “You don’t survive FIVE DECADES in publishing without licking a lot of arse.” Ah well, guess I’m going to need a bigger tongue…