Et maintenant, la fin est proche, Et donc je fais face au rideau final, Mon ami, je vais le dire clairement, Je vais exposer mon cas, dont je suis certain, J’ai vécu une vie bien remplie, J’ai parcouru toutes les routes, Et plus encore, bien plus que ça, Je l’ai fait à ma façon.
That’s right folks, as the late, great Ol’ Blue Eyes bashes one out en français, the end is also near for the DM Girls’ Getaway (Foxy’s French Adventure) 2.0, but, naturally, we are going out in style.
We’ve done the Côte d’Azur, Nice was, er, nice, Menton was mental, Cannes was crazy and Saint-Tropez was as peachy as Jennifer Lopez, but even we couldn’t stomach Monaco (well, in fact we weren’t allowed in due to the fact that Winnebago Horizons are banned).
Well, bless ‘em, all those tiny men driving around in Aston Martins, Lamborghinis, Ferraris and Bentleys don’t want to feel even more insignificant with a Winnebago roaring up their arse do they?
To be fair, it was a good job, too, with Jean-Claude at the wheel it would be more like Steven Spielberg’s classic Duel than Casino Royale.
You see, I am not too sure if I have mentioned it, but the Horizon boasts rear entry, a massive dining area, king- and emperor-sized beds, mega TVs, a cinema room, a hot tub, a jacuzzi and the Winegard Trav’ler automatic HDTV satellite system, as well as a robust SuperStructure, powered patio awnings, and an automatic levelling system to boot.
Anyway, instead of flying home on a private jet (nice but a little too bumpy), J-C is driving us up through the amazing French countryside, and we will be making key stops along the way.
For once we are shunning the towns of Seix, Oô, Condom and Bitche, to start our luxurious journey back to Blighty at Le Château d’Arse, well, it would be rude not to. We will then head up through Burgundy and slip into our old favourite of Anus, before our last hurrah in Orgy, where J-C has arranged a lavish reception as well as an all-nighter.
Thankfully, the old soak (that’s the esteemed editor of this august online empire to you lot), is staying on for the rest of the summer in his luxury gîte, complete with swimming pool, country views and vineyard. He has yet to do the rounds of the local agencies – yes, that’s the marketing angle covered – so he too can claim his trip back on expenses.
All of which means, when we do eventually get home, with no boss around, it will be like we’re still on holiday…
Oh jours heureux!
Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram, just don’t get too excited as I’m never there
